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7:07 pm
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hate stupid neurology.


or rather, why am i not a supercomputer with 10000 terrabytes worth of memory space?
if only i can fit the whole kumar and clarke which is about 200mb max? in pdf form into my brain.

this means that my storage capacity is less than 200mb :( even my tiny thumbdrive has more space than that

Perpetual stupidity
7:56 pm
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Must be just me. I did not get any hits when i googled perpetual stupidity in medicine.

I am perpetually stupid. No amount of reading can save me. My brain has a limited capacity and I feel I have reached my limit.somehow, as the years pass, i feel as though my brain has slowly atrophied into a hollow mess.
Worse still, i have accepted it as the feeling of incompetence compared to my peers is more painful than actually accepting i'm just stupid.

11:39 pm
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i feel stupid and probably look stupid

studying for the past 2 months has made me no smarter than I was then

everything I read now is not sticking and I'm just having a major mental block and contemplating if jumping through my bedroom window is a better way out.

obviously my bedroom window is too tiny and it won't open more than 2 inches at most.

the moment when a 3rd year medical student pimped me in rounds is probably why I'm having this horrible feeling of falling down a rabbit hole of depression.
yeah, a 3rd year med student made me look pretty bad not once, but twice

and i just don't know my shit enough. 5 years of doing this crap and I still don't know my shit.

and hey, i didn't realise the consultant I made a fool of myself was actually the dean. the 3rd year pointed it out later..... :(

i'm really curious why I haven't failed while people I feel are better than me have. I feel like I've always just been really lucky every time. well, my mom said my year of the snake I will have bad luck. maybe this time?


i just don't know enough. i don't think if I ever will