7:07 pm
hate stupid neurology.
ARGHHHHH. WHY AM I NOT SMARTER?
or rather, why am i not a supercomputer with 10000 terrabytes worth of memory space?
if only i can fit the whole kumar and clarke which is about 200mb max? in pdf form into my brain.
this means that my storage capacity is less than 200mb :( even my tiny thumbdrive has more space than that
depressing
ARGHHHHH. WHY AM I NOT SMARTER?
or rather, why am i not a supercomputer with 10000 terrabytes worth of memory space?
if only i can fit the whole kumar and clarke which is about 200mb max? in pdf form into my brain.
this means that my storage capacity is less than 200mb :( even my tiny thumbdrive has more space than that
depressing
Perpetual stupidity
7:56 pm
Must be just me. I did not get any hits when i googled perpetual stupidity in medicine.
I am perpetually stupid. No amount of reading can save me. My brain has a limited capacity and I feel I have reached my limit.somehow, as the years pass, i feel as though my brain has slowly atrophied into a hollow mess.
Worse still, i have accepted it as the feeling of incompetence compared to my peers is more painful than actually accepting i'm just stupid.
I am perpetually stupid. No amount of reading can save me. My brain has a limited capacity and I feel I have reached my limit.somehow, as the years pass, i feel as though my brain has slowly atrophied into a hollow mess.
Worse still, i have accepted it as the feeling of incompetence compared to my peers is more painful than actually accepting i'm just stupid.
FOOL
11:39 pm
i feel stupid and probably look stupid
studying for the past 2 months has made me no smarter than I was then
everything I read now is not sticking and I'm just having a major mental block and contemplating if jumping through my bedroom window is a better way out.
obviously my bedroom window is too tiny and it won't open more than 2 inches at most.
the moment when a 3rd year medical student pimped me in rounds is probably why I'm having this horrible feeling of falling down a rabbit hole of depression.
yeah, a 3rd year med student made me look pretty bad not once, but twice
and i just don't know my shit enough. 5 years of doing this crap and I still don't know my shit.
and hey, i didn't realise the consultant I made a fool of myself was actually the dean. the 3rd year pointed it out later..... :(
i'm really curious why I haven't failed while people I feel are better than me have. I feel like I've always just been really lucky every time. well, my mom said my year of the snake I will have bad luck. maybe this time?
:(
i just don't know enough. i don't think if I ever will
studying for the past 2 months has made me no smarter than I was then
everything I read now is not sticking and I'm just having a major mental block and contemplating if jumping through my bedroom window is a better way out.
obviously my bedroom window is too tiny and it won't open more than 2 inches at most.
the moment when a 3rd year medical student pimped me in rounds is probably why I'm having this horrible feeling of falling down a rabbit hole of depression.
yeah, a 3rd year med student made me look pretty bad not once, but twice
and i just don't know my shit enough. 5 years of doing this crap and I still don't know my shit.
and hey, i didn't realise the consultant I made a fool of myself was actually the dean. the 3rd year pointed it out later..... :(
i'm really curious why I haven't failed while people I feel are better than me have. I feel like I've always just been really lucky every time. well, my mom said my year of the snake I will have bad luck. maybe this time?
:(
i just don't know enough. i don't think if I ever will