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Confidence; as a teenager? Because I knew what I loved. I loved to read; I loved to listen to music; and I loved cats. Those three things. So, even though I was an only kid, I could be happy because I knew what I loved. Those three things haven't changed from my childhood … That's a confidence. If you don't know what you love, you are lost. ~ Haruki Murakami

plucked out from zia's fb wall.

i didn't think it would be appropriate to spam a 200 word post on fb about this quote.
i really like this quote. confidence is something i struggle with. for everyday i see my flaws and there are days where i just get bogged down by the evil stepmother in my head. and yet, haruki put it in such a simple way: be sure of things you love for if you are sure of that, you know you can fall back on these things and that's how confidence is born.

what do i love then? for sure... my family. and that's about it. on some days, that's enough to get me by. on some days, it's not.   
i'm not sure about every other thing. 
ask me what my favourite color is. i can't tell you for sure. it ranges between blue, purple, red, etc.
ask me what my fav food is: again, it ranges from the familiar to the obscure
ask me what my hobbies are: i have had a few hobbies in my 22 years of life. every one has been a phase, nothing permanent.

it's all a blur to me. i can't tell what i love, i can't tell what i look forward to, i can't tell where i'm going in the future. maybe it all boils down to confidence again. the confidence to tell people i love the colour purple and really have that commitment to love purple. 

vicious cycle.