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shit this
5:26 pm
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shit this. i'm busting out of here.

how i wish i could say that.

slightly blue blue blueeeeeeeeee
i really hate stress. perhaps it's because i haven't had any assignments for quite some time now. The last one we had was the IMS+ community project crap we had to do for sem 5. Both those assignments I didn't do well. Maybe that's where my fear of blunder continues on. I hate writing assignments. especially horrid academic writing shit. 3000 words man.... 1800 words more to do. i freaking hate this

random thoughts i need to get out:

  1. i feel like i've been here for ages. everyone agrees with me so far. it feels as though I've been here for 6 months. while in actual fact, it's only been 3. 3 mere months. No wonder I still don't feel settled. I need a year to properly settle down. I don't know why I feel so guilty about not settling down properly. No one expects me to know everyone by name in my batch, to have made new awesome friends that I'm as close to as those back home, to not feel homesick, to be superbly capable of living independently, to grow accustomed to their culture and their views here and to be a social butterfly. Am I setting my standards too high? Am I feeling bad for no reason? In my head, I always say to myself: "if only..." "if only i was more sociable" "if only i had more guts" "if only i didn't care what other people thought"
  2. UK is dead during winter. KL is 100% more lively at night or even in the morning. Perhaps is the lack of cars on the roads. Perhaps it's the lack of pedestrians, the lack of mamaks with people chatting away, the lack of night markets with people bargaining, the lack of bright city lights. dead
can't think of anymore random thoughts. had many of those thoughts these last few days.

cathartic writing... i feel better already. watched the nutcracker last friday. it was a ballet performance, soemthing i've never seen before. it was awesome. Although i was nvr interested in ballet nor am i more interested now, the performance was really good. Ii have performed on stage before (choral speaking, choir, dance... all unsurprisingly done during primary school before the insecurities kicked in) and till now, I remember how hard we worked. The practices, the butterflies in the stomach, the great sign of relief and joy you get when the curtains come down and everything went as planned. So each time I see a performance on stage, especially a group performance, I'm always in awe of the hard work they hv poured in, the hours they've spent practicing on stage, sacrificing their time with their family, friends or partners. Anyway, the ballet performance for the nutcracker was awesome. their props and costumes were flawless. I wanna watch another theatre performance now. hahahahhahaa