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5:11 am
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a contract?
of sorts.

i think i'm not committed enough. i'm always frustrated with the marks i get and yet I don't do anything different than what i did last time to improve my marks.
here i am, still procrastinating with the exams last then a month to go.
bleh. my rate of studying is progressing at 1 lecture note per ENTIRE WEEKEND day. zomg. the fridays the uni gives us for self studying is totally wasted on me.
so, i think this is a commitment issue.

I WANT THAT DARN ELUSIVE A. even an A- would make me on cloud 9.

so, i'm going to study and study. focus that mind and keep focus.
follow the timetable that i made (lol. which i'm gazillion notes behind. i think i'm supposed to be done with haemato by now). if i can't do well for clinical skills, i better do well for my theoretical side.

which reminds me: my clinical skills totally suck. i need more practise. and i need to stay calm. having a lecturer stare at you during an exam is definitely no fun at all. and i lack empathy unfortunately. too bad my personality is the type where i hardly show any diversity of emotions. so i'm gonna have to learn to fake it. fake empathy.
[some of the simulated patients acting is really over the top drama queen. there's this one patient where we are all scared of her. she is probably the x10 exaggerated version of paris hilton. + annoying too]

this is the scenario that happaned during my mock osce (mock clinical exams)

after taking personal details, blah blah blah
me: you look upset, may i know what's bothering you? (btw, i learned later that you should not say that a patient looks upset. that is called: assuming. never do that)
s.p: I'm worried about my medical report. i'm using the results to apply to a new job

me: why should you be worried about your medical result?

sp: because i was born as a blue baby. that's why i'm afraid it'll affect my results

me: *goes blank. thinking: how in the world am i gonna reassure her?*

post-exam, i'm still a little blank on what to say next. i can't say "don't worry. i'm sure the results will be alright" cause i won't know if the results will be alright.
i probably should have something like
"well, don't worry about your medical report. anyway,i'm sure if there is any problem with your report the doctor would be able to help you"
unless of course she has got high CEA levles or LDH levels (tumour markers).
arghhhhhhh. always hated behavioral science stations.