counter on blogger
blah blah blah
5:23 pm
say something! (0)
i can't sleep. ARGHHHH

So i shall write a pointless post.

I think i'm a pretty selfish and calculative person.
I really don't really like going to birthday parties where the attendees are mostly people I don't know personally or I don't feel comfortable with.
I'm such an introverted person that sometimes talking to people is strenuous for me. I feel awkward talking to people. It's like there's nothing to talk about.
With familiar faces however, there's always something to talk about. I also wonder how on earth we can chat for such a long period of time

With unfamiliar people... i sometimes feel so tired to talk to them. I feel as though I have to continue to conversation sometimes. It's so tiring. And once I reach taht point where I get fed up, I just stop making an effort. Maybe my "efforts" are not really an effort at all.
Am I such a social outcast?

Back to the birthday thingys. I used to go for any birthday party I get invited too (and which i can go to). And the result is feeling more tired and not any more happier or satisfied when I get back from those who the birthday person I'm not close with.
It's always the same old scenario. The closest friends of the birthday person will be chit chatting away and I'll prob be at the edge of the group. Occasionally they'll address my existence and occasionally I'll get to join some "group discussions". But most of the time I'll feel pretty ignored.
Again... it's probably my fault for being introverted at social gatherings.

But... I seriously don't see the point of inviting people that the birthday person is not close with. I rather have a small gathering so at least no one gets left out rather than to have a big gathering and some people will be left out. I always feels bad when some people i know gets left out cause i hate that feeling.
Maybe other people aren't as sensitive as me. And then again... it's also part of courtesy to invite people like classmates cause some people get really pissed when you're part of the class and half the class gets invited and you don't get one.

Gahhh... the mystery of human behavior. So now i realised that maybe some invites i get are actually just courtesy and it's best that i politely refuse their invitation.

how dumb of me... lol

thus ends my pointless rant.

note: stupid post written with eyes half closed and no light switched on. I can finally get to type without looking at the keyboard. Actually I can already xcept it's just a habit i have to look at the keyboard.