Bitter Sweet and sour

2012-01-27T20:51:00.002Z

blarghhhh.

have to go to the dentist tomorrow.

i have dental caries. ah... the embarrassment. i'm not sure which is more distressing, the fact that
1) i have dental caries at freaking 22 years old
2) i'm a med student who can't even take care of her own dental hygiene
3) my tooth has died and has been sent to tooth heaven (much to my surprise (and annoyance, doesn't help that i have an obsession when something is not "right") lo and behold... a darn hole. how that slipped past me is beyond me. i think the nerves must hv died a long time ago)

it's like... getting diagnosed with copd. or obesity. or head lice/scabies/ parasitic infections that come from unhygienic practices. i wonder if dentist/dental students ever have caries?

i guess i had it coming. i can't even think of when was the last time i visited a dentist.

and i've never had problems with caries. this will be my first filling of my life T.T

then again, my years from 9-15 yrs old i visited the dentist regularly for orthodontic treatment. subsequently after that i was followed up for 2? years. then i think i didn't bother going anymore.

darn. now i can't stop thinking about it. can't wait to go to the dentist and just get it all sorted out.
i hope it works that way in the nhs? crap it if i have to make more appointments just to get a filling, then get the sealants, then to get it scaled.

bahhhhh. :(

i feel like i've let down my dental friends

"I'M A DOCTOR"

2012-01-24T23:50:00.003Z

"I'M A DOCTOR"

heh. this line still seem so weird and foreign.
anyway, no, I did not suddenly graduate and no, I'm not delusional and have started getting ahead of myself. I do fully understand I have 1.5 yrs of hardwork and shit can happen anytime from now till July 2013.

What I was wondering about, was the implications of becoming a doctor. I never really thought about it before joining medical school. But now, 1 scenarios always haunts me when my brain is idle:
The classic scenario where a person collapses in the street, crowd gathers, a person declares his possession of a degree from a medical school, parts the crowd and swoops in to save the day.

Honestly, that is like the dream of any medical student (not too sure about drs) whether they admit it or not- to become some hero who saved a person's life by performing CPR or abdominal trust or even better, some MacGuyver stunt, transforming everyday items into medical tools to save a life.

The reality is, for myself, I don't think I'll ever be ready for that scenario. My 4 years of memorizing anatomy, pathology, clinical examinations and the skill of dodging fierce drs and selectively determining which lectures are useless do not adequately prepare me in facing that scenario. I dread the day where I'll be torn between hiding in my chair or going up the aisle to assist when an airstewardess announces, "is there a dr on board?"
Maybe with clinical experience, going to an emergency setting in a controlled environment (aka the hospital) would give me that much needed confidence and knowledge to handle such a situation.

But by then, as a Dr, I'm also subjected to certain laws.
Apparently, as a professional healthcare provider, we are obligated by law to do the right thing when we swoop in to health a stranger. Once we admit that we are a dr, we cannot screw it up. If the person dies because of your negligence, bye bye to your medical career. And if you choose not to help, and then was proven to be a doctor and proven to be at the scene, again, bye bye to medical career (For other people, they are protected by the Good Samaritan law.) I personally know people who would hide their hospital ID once they walk out from the hospital. It sounds horrible, they do not want to help when it's their profession to help people, but I would say it's not their fault as well when the risks are so huge.
I think doctors are the only people with such heavy obligations.

Imagine if other careers had this obligation as well?
Teachers would be forced to give impromptu lessons to clearly ignorant children they encounter at the bus stop
or
interior designers have to stop in their tracks to rearrange furniture in an alarmingly distasteful office space.

ahhahahah

bitch, please

2012-01-08T04:51:00.003Z

ok, i know i'm acting a bit childish and immature by writing this post. But blogging is my outlet; my place to vent frustration and anger (and previous posts do proof that, since i lack of happy post about my trip to turkey, amsterdam etc; you can find all that on fb)

i honestly cannot stand HER anymore. HER= MICHELLE NGU aka michellin. (yea, i don't mind she finds this post somehow. I hope she finds it in fact)
A bit of background story:

Last year, I stayed with Michellin and 3 other girls that I didn't know. I had a very bumpy 1st year in leeds and I was very unhappy staying there cause I was quite lonely. Initially, I thought that at least I had Michellin, who is from IMU as well, to stay with so it won't be so lonely. Man.. was I wrong. I might as well stay alone then to stay with her. All we do is, eat dinner together, then go back to our rooms after that. I'd imagine that I would be watching movies with her, bitching about our course together, just hanging out in each others room, normal housemate stuff.... lol. as if that will ever happen.
But I blamed myself for that whole situation of being lonely. What makes matter worse was her whole attitude.
We initially share food together and cooked together (even on the first day, she said she only wanted to share food for dinner. wth. so the first time we went grocery shopping, I had to figure out what was for dinner, what wasn't. and I split it up fairly between me and her, things I bought for dinner to be shared. stupid idiot just took things i bought and assumed it was shared as well. things like mayo, sauces, etc that I bought for bfast, lunch. and first time coming to the uk, i was really stinging on money since I converted everything to ringgit. I just had to close an eye and kept quiet cause it was at the very beginning and I thought things would hv been bad if I said anything)

Then she got her placement outside Leeds. 1 week into her placement, she comes back and said she doesn't want to share anymore since she's out of Leeds, 5 days of the week. Fine, I understood that (but mind you, when she wasn't there, I knew that it would be unfair for her if I took things that we shared. I bought my own groceries and cooked using those instead of using the shared items) But we still bought things like rice and cooking sauces together so we continued sharing those. One thing with her is that she also keeps having a bf over towards the start of 2011 (that's a whole different story about how she managed to change bfs within 3 months of arriving in UK. and basically lied about small things because she didn't want us to find out she changed bfs. but that's her personal stuff, i don't care if she changes bfs a hundred times) Ok, so she'll cook for her bf and everything. stupid idiot uses up all the rice because I hardly cooked rice and don't have the courtesy to even inform me that "hey, the rice is finished so buy your own rice". I cooked up such a feast of dishes only to find out I didn't have a single grain of rice left.

Next issue, her bloody notes. She pasted up a notice in the kitchen a few months after staying in Leeds basically telling people to wash up their plates and dishes after they use it and do not place it in the sink if they do not plan to wash it immediately. I admit that there was 1 local girl who regularly leaves her dishes for days and wash it all at one go when it has accumulated enough. The problem was, Michellin herself don't do the dishes. She doesn't leave it for days, but she leaves it overnight IN THE SINK most of the time. I don't care if its her own dishes... but we share a pot and a pan. and she just leaves that for me to wash up when I want to use it after her. Still, I tolerated this nonsense since it was basically washing up a pan and a pot (but it was bloody hard cause she would leave everything to harden in the pot/pan)

Next thing, cleanliness. I honestly don't think she's ever thrown out the rubbish. Ok fine, maybe 3 times? but definitely not more than me cause at 1 point, I was throwing out rubbish every 2 weeks. She cleaned the kitchen when she first moved in but after that, no more. I know the other hsemates (2 local girls+ 1 taiwanese girl) does clean the kitchen/throw the rubbish, but when it was time for inspection, the 2 local girls cleaned a few weeks before and michellin dare complained about how they ask her to help out cleaning. A few days before the inspection, obviously it became slightly dirty again. I cleaned it up cause I felt bad for not helping them clean up before this. When we were moving out, the local girls moved out first so she just cleared up her items. I did all the cleaning up by myself and the Taiwanese girl even came to say that she'll clean up the stove and oven before she leaves. Michellin didn't even ask who cleaned the kitchen/living area. Her bloody bf can tell me that "it's so nice to cook in a clean kitchen" the next morning.
Facepalm.

And the detergent story. AHAHAHAHA. we all just mutually understood that we were sharing dishwashing detergent. And we rotated to buy washing detergent. When it was Michellin's turn, I reminded her to buy some. She was very sceptical that it was her turn but she did buy it in the end. Then there was a period of time where we didn't have any detergent at all. When I was eating dinner with her, I saw that there was detergent on the sink so I just used that. Next morning, it disappeared. Then in the evening, it appeared again. Then the next morning in appeared. When I went into her room to ask for something, I saw the detergent bottle in her room. She saw me looking at it and she told me that she uses it to wash her makeup brush. yea... rite. You just are so friggin calculative, you have to hide a detergent bottle in your room.

Not the end of the story yet. So, with all the shit I was facing, I sort of closed 1 eye to all of it and we were still "close" to each other (she probably only viewed me as a friend to make use of frankly). Me, geetha and that idiot, was supposed to find a house and stay together. We did view at least 3 houses together and we still couldn't find an appropriate house. 1 month passed and I was at Audrey's (a mutual friend we made in Leeds) place. Audrey then asked me where I was staying at next year. I said "with geetha and michelle".
Then.... she just said the bomb la; she told me "eh, i thought michelle was supposed to stay with danny?" (another medic student who started Leeds from 1st year) I said I'll go clarify. The thing was, I was in the same hospital as Danny so I asked him directly. And he told me, "yea, I'm staying with michelle and 3 other people" WTH. I asked him when did they go view the flats together and he answered me something like last Friday afternoon. I remembered, that particular Friday, we were practising our practical skills together at the hospital. Michelle then said she had to go buy something in town so left early. She in fact, lied to our face, and viewed the flat with Danny on that day. I straightaway came back and asked Michelle directly. She just said "err.. yea.... cause I duwan to headache so much about this anymore so I agreed to stay with them" She can add that we all should stay in that flats as well because "the place is very nice". BLOODY HELL. She ditched us without having the basic courtesy of telling us straight in the face that she'll be staying with the other group of people UNTIL I had to find out from other people, looking like an idiot in the process because she told EVERYONE (or at least 2 other people) whereas I still assumed she was staying with us. She had the nerve to tell me that me and geetha should stay there as well when she knows full well that each unit has 5 bedrooms. So she wants us to magically get 3 people out of the blue.

SO, how on earth did I somehow managed to stay in the same flat with her in the end?

A turn of events caused 2 of Danny's flatmates to pull out. Me, geetha and Audrey were meant to find a place together but Audrey wanted a bigger place and me and geetha wanted a smaller place for less rent. Then Audrey also had a problem because another friend of hers was also looking for a larger place. When she caught whiff that Danny was missing 2 flatmates, she suggested to me and geetha to go stay with Danny while she go rent a place with her other friend. That time was 3 months away from exams so me and geetha, although we were genuinely pissed off, we agreed because it was too close to exams to try and find another hsemate (impossible to find cheap hses with 2 bedrooms only)

So fast forward to this year. Michellin, me, geetha, su wei (4th yr medic) and justin (engineering masters student) live together in the same student accommodation. Justin actually replaced Danny (another medic student) coz something arise and Justin took over Danny's contract. We are all m'sians so it's pretty comfortable in the accommodation at the beginning. We all got to know Justin this year. Su wei we met here and there but we only got to know her closer this year. Me, geetha and michellin settled our differences over time. Geetha got taken in by michellin's sob story about her family so she cut her some slack basically. I am generally, quite a cincai person and I hate conflict so since Geetha decided to forget about it, I forgot about it. Plus we were all future hsemates so there was no point in bringing up past issues.

So, when I first arrived back in Leeds, her french bf (she calls him cheeky monkey so let's call him that) was already with her (michellin din go back for summer since her mom came over). Cheeky monkey went back to france for 2 weeks and came back after that. I also was a bit shocked as to why he was coming to UK so soon after going back to France. Well, he, for less than impressive academic performace, had a break stretching from Oct to Jan. And Michellin said he was to stay in Leeds till Dec. I was friggin shocked. But I din say anything cause our relationship was alright at that time. The others also din say a word so I felt it wasn't right for me to say anything. He is quite pathetic since he came here to find a job, but till now (yes, he is still here eventhough Dec has came and gone and we're now in 2012) he has not been employed and have
been doing nothing, apart from serving michelle food, do her laundry, clean the room, do her dishes, throughout his "obligatory" holiday.

One thing with our flat is the electricity. We're only given 10 pounds to spend on electricity a week. Appropriately, this should be enough. But somehow we always have to top up 10 pounds at least once a week when winter came around. So we all started topping it up in turns. And then me and geetha has to go off to bradford for 5 weeks hospital posting so we weren't staying in the hse. We didn't know what was going on so we asked our management to give us a copy of who has been topping up the past few weeks. Michellin has paid twice. And both times was 5 pounds only. We went up to her and say "hey, you should top up since all of us topped up 30 pounds already". She said that she actually topped up more than that and gave a lot of nonsense in between (which I am now very lazy to indulge). At the end of the coversation (and after calling another hsemate along to resolve the issue), she concluded that she paid 8 times (most of the time was 10 pounds, only on 3 occasions was it 5 pounds) and she'll see the management to clarify.
Ok fine. (She then deleted me and geetha off fb and proceeded to write a lot of crap about us)

So the next day, we went to the management who said "yea, I did see Cheeky Monkey 4 times, maybe 5 times who came to top up"
"how bout michelle herself"
"nope. she never been down to top up herself"
"so altogether they only top up 4.. maybe 5 times?"
"yup"
"how much did they top up each time?"
"5 pounds. only once it was 10 pounds"

LOL. their stories don't tally up at all. The shit thing was michellin and cheeky monkey came to see the management then and there as well. They saw me paying for the next top up cause I didn't want electricity to go off and I knew one of our hsemates was hving exams so it wasn't fair if it did went off just because we were arguing. The next thing I know, she's praising the Lord and the miracle of Jesus all over fb for clearing her name as a liar.

She smartly texted the other hsemate to start afresh and that each of us would pay in 10 pounds and we top up 50 pounds straightaway. SUCH A BRILLIANT IDEA! I wonder where she got it from....? (in actual fact, I suggested the idea months ago but was shot down by Cheeky Monkey because he said "the management is not to be trusted" his idea was to collect 10 pounds from each of us and keep it in Michelle's room. wowwwwww)
anyway, WELL PLAYED MICHELLE. she basically agreed to start afresh to cover up her lies cause now, if we say "you lied through your teeth cause the management doesn't even agree with your story" we'll just be starting a fight over past issues.

so much other shit happen, i can't even type it out cause it'll bore your tired eyes and fry your brains. So thank you for reading this far (if you just scrolled down to the bottom to look for the summary, this is it: michelle is a person who insist that she's right all the time (eventhough she's not), self fish, thick skinned, and lack of any basic courtesy. the only thing good about her is that she doesn't come into my room and doesn't steal food)

On a personal note to Michelle, if you're reading this, please come find me to refute any of the things I listed here. I can't wait to hear your comeback.

If you're wondering why I don't just say it all out to her face-to-face in a mature way, I don't want to pick a fight now when she's agreeing to start afresh (as I said before). As to why I'm still writing this when I don't want to fight with her, I'm basically frustrated as hell that she thinks she's right and we were wrong to even think that she was lying in the first place (hence the "praising God for upholding justice" ).
Right now, I shall have to bear with her for the next 6 months. :(

nye

2011-12-31T02:06:00.000Z

back in leeds after 8 days of travelling round Turkey, 1 day in London and 3 days with my bro at Wakefield (a city 15 mins away from Leeds)
Spent the last 3 days just bumming around and playing xbox. and I'll be spending NYE just chilling with a friend probably.
Life is good.

apart from an annoying hsemate.

(but let's not let her get in the way)

so today is the last day of 2011. in reality, the first day of the new year is like every other day (and so are every single day before and after that). the only difference is that i must remember to write "12" at the end of dates rather than "11". and i should refer "this year" as 2012.

it is a good time to reflect however. how different i feel compared to last new year's eve. and i'm on a completely different continent too (haha... last time i was back in m'sia for winter and ranting about how dreadful 2011 would be since i was due to fly back in a few day's time at that point)

let's see... what happened in 2011?
Jan- back from winter holidays in a very depressed mood. work picked up, and i didn't have much time to concentrate on anything else. i think it was my GP placement. learnt to hate the GP setting and learned that I'm better suited for a hospital placement. Passed my BLS exam finally!

Feb- datelines for everything. had that random snowfall during a surgical conference. busy busy busy.

March- mock osce and became depressed due to a disappointing tutor assessment. starting of surgical placements and was frustrated with the whole placement since i didn't manage to watch ANY surgeries. save for a masectomy.

April- a much needed break to Netherlands/Belgium. took in the sights of the keukenhof, a huge tulip garden, windmills, the mannekin pis!

may- studying like crazy and sat for my exams. started my lab research project which was sadly unfruitful.

june- PASSED!

july- flew back to M'sia for sunshine and fun. went to Penang with family and Sg with friends :D

August- met up with more people and had plenty of fun. even had time to make pineapple cookies to bring to UK

Sept- back here. started year 4 with GOSH- babies, vaginas, C-sections, liquor, lochia. weirdly enjoyed the placement! maybe due to the massive amounts of handson. hmmm... potential career?

October- Visited bro in his new home for the first time. hectic placement caused me to had a very regular sleep pattern

november- Paeds placement. had an awesome placement group. trouble brewing at flats

December - Won the paypal lucky draw (more on that in the new year ;) ). TURKEY!!!! which is super awesome.

hahaha... i am enjoying 4th year more than 3rd. I'm still struggling to get a better assessment then "satisfactory". It's a bit frustrating when you can't break through mediocrity. Tutors write comments like "good job". Nothing constructive at all. :/ i suspect my work isn't horrible but isn't excellent too. I'm stuck in this zone. (so maybe this as my new year's resolution?)

2011 overall hasn't been a fantastic year for me. but the end of 2011 is awesome, i hope it's a preview of what's to come in 2012. ahahahahhaha.

happy new year everyone!

BOOMZ

2011-12-12T22:12:00.000Z

psst.....lemme tell a little secret...

won a lucky draw. lucky because i won it, unlucky because i didn't complete my entry. but i still won something so my friends told me to shuddup and accept what i won. lol

hence my initial rant about karma mumbo jumbo on fb the other day ;) i'll post pics up when it arrives

onwards to reality...
coming to the end of my paediatric placement. Verdict: never going into paeds. if i somehow end up in paeds... please shoot me in the head cause an imposter has taken over my body without my consent.
i can't act "normal" with kids. i'm too stiff, too formal, too conscious. so far i hadn't convince any kid to let me examine them :( only those that are above 6 yrs old lemme examine them without kicking and crying.
and i can't calm a freaking 2 years old screaming their lungs out each time their parent lift up their shirt to let me listen to their heart. i don't even know what to do.... i feel like they don't even understand what the crap is happening.. so all those talk about "showing them that the stethoscope don't hurt them by examine their parents" crap don't work.

booooo.... then the parents just look at me like i'm some sort of doofus.

but i must say that my paeds placement is really good. i managed to go on night shifts (9pm-9am yo! i didn't sleep for 24 hrs on that day thanks to a delayed flight from dublin...), a&e, late shifts, etc. all those shifts we are left alone to clerk and examine patients that walk in... and formulate differential diagnosis and think of management. awesome stuff. 1 step closer to the "dr" title. hahahaha

and christmas is so very near. everyone else (and i do mean EVERYONE IN UNI) apart from the sad 4th n 5th year medical students are still having placements.

flying off to turkey this sunday :D so i'm blardy excited :D:D:D

come january and i shall start studying... hard core style. will be reminding me of how i studied for EOS 5. hahaha... not fun indeed. and i shall also start my psych placement. will be interesting to see if i'm interested in that. i like reading on psycho stuff so perhaps a potential career choice? hmmmm....

and electives, i'll definitely will be going to india in July. no idea where i'll be in august... sarawak? (damn la... so hard to find accommodation cause i'm the only one i know going there) or just do it in good ol peninsular?

decisions decisions....

doctors and children

2011-11-24T17:08:00.001Z

Doctors don't make good parents. Unless they:
1) work part time
2) quit their job
3) have a partner that is willing to stay at home and look after the child

We just had a lecture on child abuse and the lady from social services was just giving us a talk on how to spot neglected or abused children. One of the indicators is the time they bring their child to the A&E dept after they had the injury. Usually, a normal caring mom/dad will be panicking and dialing every emergency number if they spot that their child's arm is hanging a bit weirdly or has swelled up from a broken bone or burns. If the child's injury comes from neglect or abuse however... the parents might wait a while until they realize their kid is becoming quite ill. The lady did say that they allocate extra time for parents who are doctors. She said it's not unusual for doctors to bring their kid to the A&E dept the next day after the injury has happened, or when their respiratory infection has become a full blown pneumonia.

Further proof of that is when I was with an ENT surgeon yesterday. He was just commenting that his parents (doctors) sent his sibling who had measles to school as they probably didn't realize he was quite poorly. Each time he had a cold, he was asked to suck it up and go to school.

Which reminds me of my dad in particular

As far as I can remember... none of my siblings, my mom or I have ever been admitted to the hospital (nor have we ever saw another doctor, apart from when we were each being born I guess) Maybe because none of us has ever suffered a serious illness before (touchwood). When we are quite ill as well, we were just treated at home. I think I started taking my own medicine from standard 6. I didn't even have to tell my mom or dad I was ill because I knew what medication to take. Even when I had a nasty fall and a rock got lodged in the wound, my dad just took the rock out with a tweezer (which reminds me... it wasn't really that sterile) and put some gauze on top (with plenty of iodine). I think I prob would hv gotten 1 or 2 stitches if I was in the A&E.

I remember telling a friend in primary school that my parents were probably sick of me getting ill. Suffice to say, I was always a little jealous when I was kids on TV getting all the attention from the parents when they fall ill. With my parents, they know I can self medicate myself. hahahaha. Which isn't really safe practice I guess. Luckily none of us were dumb enough to eat medication as candies.

But then again, doctor parents can go to the opposite extremes and become total hypochondriacs. Not sure which end is better.

Autism

2011-11-23T22:52:00.001Z

I think I'm slightly autistic after sitting in a lecture regarding autism.
Then again, there is a theory floating about that EVERYONE is on the autism scale, it depends on how severe it is.
Basically, autism is a triad of inability for autistic people to do:
1) social interaction (unable to understand sarcasm, unable to empathize, unable to understand relationships)
2) social communication (unable to perceive body language, personal space, taking turns in a conversation, etc)
3) inflexibility (must stick to a daily routine, obsession with a particular interest)

I guess I am able to detect sarcasm, body language, facial expressions, etc but there are some social rules I still fail to recognize. It's more vague rules of social interaction like how long do you maintain eye contact for when having a conversation? Such a strange thought but I do find myself thinking about it IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION. hahahahaa.

Then there is also the question of when is someone officially a friend? I know that not everyone can be a close friend (close friends being friends that you can rely on, friends that you first think of when receiving exciting news), but when does an acquaintance becomes a friend? Hmmmmm...

As a child also I just realize I never really got the concept of "best friends". I couldn't understand why people had BFF. It's like picking a favourite friend out of your circle of friends. I had trouble getting the point of boyfriend/girlfriends as well. Right now, I think people get bfs/gfs as sort of a loneliness cure for now and in the future. But does it mean that people who aren't lonely don't get bfs/gfs and people who are lonely have them? No idea. my theory is probably flawed.

I think of the most ridiculous things actually. Bleh.

I think all my idiosyncrasies don't really show that much because to begin with, I'm not a chatty person. But I must admit that I have great difficulty with social situations. :/

Further proof that I might be slightly autistic: I must watch a series from season 1. I hate to start watching a series from season 2,3,etc.
When I study, I must start from the beginning and I can't jump from one chapter to another without completing the previous ones.
I can eat the same thing again and again without complaining. I worry more about what people might think honestly.

:/

2011-11-20T21:08:00.001Z

time passes fast

friends lose touch, people move on, old wounds heal, new ones form.

everything is such a hassle
and yet, everything is so meaningless when it's going to change cause nothing stays the same
life is difficult.

Lowest point

2011-11-12T01:33:00.001Z

The sad part about my life is that i've reached a stage where i don't know who i can vent to at 1am in the morning. Med school this yr has driven me apart from most of my non- medic friends n just being in a different time zone is pretty shit- i've not spoken (like speak. Not type) to any of my friends in m'sia for over 2 months.
Uk friends are well.. Just friends. If we werent stuck together in such isolating conditions, we wont even be friends, proven by the fact that none of us were close eventhough we were in the same batch for 2.5 yrs. Lol.... Even ppl i were friends at in imu... We hardly contact each other dont we?

I dont know if i should laugh or cry at the pathetic situation.

stupid

2011-11-03T22:05:00.000Z

i can never understand the locals.

some of them, we work together from 9-5, 5 days a week, and we get along fine. see them out of uni, they act like they hv no clue who the heck you are.
or either, we say hi, chat for a while, and when it's time to go back, they just walk off without saying anything.

not sure what their culture is, but if its like this, isn't it rude?

or maybe they are polite only to their own kind. sucks doesn't it?
no wonder when it comes to tourism marketing, asian countries marketing posters usually have a notion that asians are warm and friendly people. which i think we are compared to them.
few years back, i used to wonder why are we selling ourselves as friendly when i don't feel "that" friendly. i thought the whole world should be the same. we see someone we know, even if its just an acquaintance, we just smile and say hello. i don't mean go say hi and get to know their whole life story.
here... hmph.

i guess too soon for me to make conclusions.

but i get the same vibe from majority of the people here. sucks to be the minority.
lol... then they complain when they go on electives that they can't get along with the locals there. hey... maybe then you can sympathize with the international students then.

2011-11-01T22:08:00.001Z

Confidence; as a teenager? Because I knew what I loved. I loved to read; I loved to listen to music; and I loved cats. Those three things. So, even though I was an only kid, I could be happy because I knew what I loved. Those three things haven't changed from my childhood … That's a confidence. If you don't know what you love, you are lost. ~ Haruki Murakami

plucked out from zia's fb wall.

i didn't think it would be appropriate to spam a 200 word post on fb about this quote.
i really like this quote. confidence is something i struggle with. for everyday i see my flaws and there are days where i just get bogged down by the evil stepmother in my head. and yet, haruki put it in such a simple way: be sure of things you love for if you are sure of that, you know you can fall back on these things and that's how confidence is born.

what do i love then? for sure... my family. and that's about it. on some days, that's enough to get me by. on some days, it's not.
i'm not sure about every other thing.
ask me what my favourite color is. i can't tell you for sure. it ranges between blue, purple, red, etc.
ask me what my fav food is: again, it ranges from the familiar to the obscure
ask me what my hobbies are: i have had a few hobbies in my 22 years of life. every one has been a phase, nothing permanent.

it's all a blur to me. i can't tell what i love, i can't tell what i look forward to, i can't tell where i'm going in the future. maybe it all boils down to confidence again. the confidence to tell people i love the colour purple and really have that commitment to love purple.

vicious cycle.

procrastinating hence the post

2011-10-25T00:24:00.001+01:00

only get inspiration to update my blog when i'm meant to do something else. (pssst... i have a 2500 word report due by next monday. current word count: 300)

yeah, you'll be in this position for at least an hour. say babai to your dignity!

ok, so i HELPED deliver a baby. the midwife's hand was over mine so I won't classify it as handling the delivery on my own.
After a week in the labor ward, i've seen a grand total of 4 c-sections, 2 instrumental deliveries (using the vacuum cup/forceps) and 2 natural deliveries. Natural deliveries are really hard to come by for some odd reason. Even my batchmates concur with me on this. Maybe it's the pandemic use of epidurals. Although scientific studies showed that the use of epidurals should not change the outcome of the labour, from my (albeit limited) experience, the women with epidurals always end up with some sort of intervention at the end.

nvm la... look at the cute baby you get in the end. and yup... this is how a newborn looks like. not like those giant toddlers depicted in movies. lol.

haha... this should be a great educational post for my non medical female friends whom 90% will find themselves carrying (in Dr. House's words) "a parasite" in their uterus at some point in the future. ;)

ok, the deal with epidurals. This is in the UK context though. Not too sure how is it like in M'sia. In UK, antenatal care is top notch. High risk women (those with diabetes, high blood pressure, etc) get to see the consultant every 4 weeks or something like that. So they get to talk to the consultant exactly what they want for their labour. With low risk women, they discuss their birth plans with their midwives (who see them every 4 weeks as well). How it goes it usually... all women will say they want it au naturale (cause all these pain relieving drugs usually make the babies go a bit sleepy. so they can take a while to take their first breath once they are born). But once the contraction starts becoming regular.... they start demanding for epidurals. hahahaha. (when the contraction starts, it actually takes quite a while for it to become very regular. so it's not really like the movies where everybody basically runs around like headless chickens when the mother is in labour. but normally mothers requesting for epidurals leaves it till the last minute when they cannot tahan)

With all the pain of contractions, etc, they have to listen to the anaesthetist ramble about the risk of epidurals etc then when that is done with, they have to bend their backs and be MOTIONLESS for the epidural to be inserted. Basically a small tube is inserted between the bones of the spine to reach the spinal cord. so you can imagine what a delicate procedure it is (not to mention uncomfortable) and if the patient moves one bit, the epidural can't be inserted properly.
so epidural will basically numb the contraction PAIN. a lot of women wrongly mistaken that the epidural will take away all sensation. but they actually can still feel pressure (imagine tooth extraction. pain is gone but u can still feel the dentist tugging away and the tooth) and the pressure on the back is pretty intense i think.
then most of them also can't really feel their legs. We actually have to move some mom's legs around cause they can't feel them (they can move their legs... it's like their legs kena chopped off cause they don't have the "sense of where their legs are").
The problem is when there is too much epidural. some women mistake the pressure as pain and keep requesting their epidurals be topped up until they can't really feel their contractions anymore. Then when it's time to push, they are seriously clueless. The midwife can feel for contractions and instruct the mom when to push but some women are so bad... they don't even know how to push. (the midwife gives plenty of support and encouragement and instructions but i guess with all the chaos, the women just becomes damn blur)
I don't really blame them... I still remember this girl, who was younger than me, and it was her first baby. When she realize she didn't know how to push, she looked so frightened and desperate. She ended up with an emergency c-section in the end.

so how on earth do you push?

imagine like you're having the worst constipation in the world.
yup... that's all it is to it. (okla, maybe a bit more complicated cause without any pain relieve, each push cause more pain due to stretching of the tissues. not to mention u already have a horrific tummy pain when the contractions occur. so a more accurate description would be "having the worst constipation in the world with a horrible hemorrhoid and the most earth shattering tummy ache")
all the movies depicting women screaming their heads off while pushing is wronggggg.
Have you ever seen a person scream when trying to shit? NO

The only time when the women might shout a bit is at the start of their contractions (before they have their epidural, etc) and near the end when the head is coming out (cause the bloody big baby head is basically tearing a bit of the vagina). And also, the women doesn't start pushing once the contraction comes. They actually have to wait quite a while until the cervix is fully dilated (that's why some women can be in labour for up to 24 hrs. they are basically just waiting in their beds until they are fully dilated. then active pushing only last for a maximum of 2 hours. If baby is not out by then, the doctors will fly in to the rescue)

Ok, so after seeing the after effects of a vaginal delivery, should one opt for a c-section instead? Not really.
Most obstetricians will try their best to convince the women not to do an optional c-section. I think the media wrongly depicts c-section as the easier way out. Women with c-sections stay in hospital longer and the pain after surgery is more intense then the trauma of a vaginal tear. Plus I've seen wound infections and they are not pretty. And a lot lose quite a bit of blood during the surgery. Then when you have another baby after your c-section, you are at risk of uterine rupture (albeit quite small.. 1-2%) but you hv a 10% chance the next pregnancy will be more complicated (in terms of delivery. higher chance of having a forceps/vacuum delivery).

Best way: do not get pregnant. hahahaha. adoption is the way to go! (fyi, women who don't get pregnant are at a higher risk of developing breast and ovarian cancer i think. but everything causes cancer anyway....)

go thank your moms for giving birth to you guys now. especially to moms who did it without any pain relief (salutes my mummy)

Last week of O&G!

2011-10-17T07:57:00.001+01:00

It's the last week of placements and i'm ending with crying babies, swearing mothers, umbillical cords, placenta, sweat, blood, excrement, etc

But i guess this is as sweet as medicine gets. Obstetrics is said to be one of the most rewarding careers since we sort of get an instant reward at the end of labour. Everyone is happy (except when things go wrong, it is also pretty grim).

Hopefully, i'll get to deliver a healthy baby on my own this week :)

bittersweet

2011-10-12T23:38:00.001+01:00

i just found a whole stash of PBL notes in my gmail account.
i feel so nostalgic and stupid at the same time.

looking back at my notes, it appears that i was smarter when I was a 2/3rd yr med student in IMU. ahhh... how times has passed. now i can't even answer simple questions about basic anatomy and physiology.

stress

2011-09-19T22:34:00.002+01:00

stressed out of my mind. so many things to do, no motivation, no drive, no time.

recipe for the perfect burnout.

currently on obgyn. i now know why my friends were all so stressed during this rotation. so many things to learn and everything is so unfamiliar. sighhhh

2011-09-12T00:45:00.001+01:00

The world's a depressing place if you let it get to you.

Looking at pro-ana websites isn't helping much as well. Ok.. before anyone gets the wrong idea, I stumbled across a blog of an anorexic girl (lol... googling if there was such thing as "thin mirrors" cause a friend commented that my room's mirror made people look thinner)
The posts that the girl's makes is really twisted. She shows how she makes such a considerable effort to not eat (surviving on 1000 calories a day. holy... that's like eating 10 biscuits for the entire day) and how she hides her anorexic habits from friends and families. Each post is accompanied by pictures of models, anorexic girls and celebrities.
My first reaction was obviously: shit... this girl is so dumb. her existence should be exchanged by some poor somalian baby.

Then, after a little thought, it's not her fault she has an eating disorder. The world place so much emphasis on being thin. God knows how many times I've complained about being fat even though my BMI is perfectly normal. Almost everyone I know has complaint about their weight. Although none has gone so far to be bulimic or anorexic, everyone has a slight tendency to anorexia.

Then there are other pro-ana websites. I'm surprised they are so easily found via Google as well. I always thought these are underground communities as society superficially frowns upon these websites. I easily found a site who gave tips on "How to prevent your doctor from finding out". Tips given was to drink lots of water to increase their weight, to drinnk hot beverages to increase their body temperature, to wear layers of clothing, etc. On the front of the page, they placed a disclaimer stating that the whole website was meant to be a joke and not in support of anorexia. But the whole website was giving quite serious advise on how to lose weight, exercise, dieting, etc. Not so much of a joke after all. Haiz... it's not surprising how so many girls (and guys) have an eating disorder.

Our world is so flawed....

moving on, MY NEW PLACE!

stupid table. full of burn marks due to shisha by the previous tenants. the management is due to replace the tables (and chairs) by the end of the month

back here and all updates are gone

2011-07-21T19:26:00.001+01:00

coming back to malaysia is like returning back to my second life.
that's the best way i can describe it. in uk, i live my life as the medical student, the hermit in her room, the one who is always doubting herself, a scatterbrain and i'm on my own.

in m'sia, i live my life as a daughter, a friend, a sister. still the hermit but in the house, the helper around the house and clinic, living my life day by day rather then the rest of the yr where i'm bound by my timetable, my hospital placements.

when i'm in uk, m'sia doesn't exist. when i'm in m'sia, uk doesn't exist. i look out of the window here, and it's unbelievable that on the other side of the world, the university is still there, some friends are still there and the place is as cold and windy as ever. it's a weird feeling. likewise, in uk, it's hard to imagine the hustle and bustle of subang is there, the never ending korean dramas playing on KBS, parents still fetching their kids from Sri KL like clock work at 4pm causing a massive jam.

anyway, apart from all that pondering, i'm perfectly comfortable in m'sia. haven't done anything exciting apart from eating. i do like to thank my dear friends for belanja-ing me for my bday and thank you to joanne and sabrina for the prezzies :D right now, i'm just comfortable. comfort is a rare feeling. and i shall relish it till sept comes

third year

2011-06-16T22:24:00.000+01:00

Finally 3rd year is coming to a close.

Relieved that I passed my exams but the breakdown today just highlights (very glaringly... my flaws shine like a car's high beams during a moonless night) my very weak history taking skills.
And I can't say I'm surprised. My examinations and clinical skills stations were great- no fails at all
History stations are a whole different ball game- 2 bare pass and 2 fails. :(
I really have to stop panicking in front of patients. I still don't feel totally comfortable with the patients and with that I become very tensed leading to total blank out of the mind. Worryingly, it does happen occasionally in the wards. An easy sign to look out for is whether I proceeded with physical examination on the patient as I only perform an examination only if I feel comfortable with the patient. Hahaha... and I can say that it doesn't happen often enough.

I guess I just need more practice. Now that I know my history stations are so weak, I just need to take x10 more histories then the next student. I need to stay calm, focused and confident. the 3 ingredients to a successful osce. hahaha

nuts nuts

2011-05-26T21:40:00.001+01:00

prostate is described to be the size of a walnut
ovaries are almonds

i wonder what are peanuts and brazillian nuts

alamak

2011-05-25T09:52:00.000+01:00

tak suka laaaaaaaaa.

exam day 1- sucks sucks sucks sucks

When exam starts, happiness level spiking here and there when I feel like I've done well. After exam, it was like... YAYYYYYYY. Then I realize all my mistakes when I met up with my friends. 0_0

Boom... but I still didn't feel that bad cause I thought I shouldn't fail. Talked to friends, ranted... felt a bit better. Didn't study at all because I really couldn't concentrate. Went to bed early only to wake up feeling like crap.

: /

2011-05-24T21:27:00.000+01:00

osce made me feel like a dumbo now. i really feel like one cause the stations aren't even that hard. dumbo dumbo dumbo.

dumbo. make me an elephant with gigantic ears so i can fly away

Feelings

2011-05-17T00:34:00.000+01:00

Few more notes to go then it's time to tackle the Leeds notes. and also... few more days now.

Seriously... the students here are so good with their communication skills, I really do admire them for it.

Word of the day:

SLEEK

hahahhaaa... that's probably what I aspire to be on OSCE day. (which falls next tuesday guys. wish me all the best :D)

on a side note (procrastinating again): I looked through randomly at my past entries. It's amazing how much you forget. Past trips, how close I was to some friends, how childish and whiny I was (actually still am. hahaha. i guess some things just never change) and just how weirdly this blog would know me better than I know myself. Honestly, if this blog is a talking and living person who I pour my heart and feelings and emoness to for the past 5 years, it's the only person in the world who knows me best (including myself). Back to studies now ;) (btw, sad to note how 70%? of my post are related to study, exam, stress and how I didn't get the results I want. I can foresee problems when I finally don't have to study as often anymore)

Medical mambo jumbo

2011-05-13T19:10:00.000+01:00

Studying fr imu notes, I realize how freaking confusing some statements can be. Take this for hypothetical example: drug X blocks enzyme Y that inhibits the release of enzyme Z (which stimulates secretion of hormone A). Ok folks.. So the net effect of drug X on hormone A =?
Maths can help decipher this horrible statement.
Drug X blocks enzyme Y (-ve statement)
Enzyme Y inhibits enzyme Z (-ve statement)
Enzyme Z stimulates hormone A (+Ve statement)

-Ve + -ve = +ve + +ve = +Ve.... Drug x stimulates hormone A! Yay!!

Nerdy moment. Sry

Sent from my Windows Phone

2011-05-07T03:06:00.000+01:00

looking in from the outside...
it's strange how much we compare our lives with others instead of fully appreciating the ups and downs, the dullness and brightness? of our own lives.
be thankful. i should have that tattooed on my palms.

help

2011-05-04T22:51:00.000+01:00

BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL:

I HAVE THE POWERRR!!!

(to finish my placements and pass my exams)

budget calculating

2011-05-03T02:15:00.000+01:00

i dunno... a lot of people have asked how much i spent for my amsterdam/belgium trip.
so here you go: 400 pounds. i know... a bit expensive actually. but it could have been cheaper. here's the rough breakdown:
flight: 55 pounds/return
accommodation: 90 pounds for 4 nights
transport within europe: 65 (then add another 14 because of the missed bus :( )= 79
attractions etc= 65 (could have saved more if you were stingy)
food= 70 for 6 days (again....could have saved more on this. but ah well..)
souvenirs= 40 (total splurge. belgian chocolates T_T. souvenirs tend to add up eventhough it's 2-4 euros here and there. no more buying unnecessary stuff)

so.. if you minus off the souvenirs and 10 from food and 14 from the missed bus... the whole trip only came up to 336 pounds ish. which isn't that bad. i just have to start saving again. my 20 pounds massive grocery shopping is serving me well. my fridge still stocked up with lots of food that can last me another week. so i'm technically surviving on 10pounds/week. not bad eh.

stupid scholars

2011-04-27T11:53:00.000+01:00

it irritates me to see how irresponsible some scholars are. JPA, MARA, whatever.
abuse of the gov's scholarship is so rampant... it's irritating me. Doing a course which is filled to the brim with scholarship holders and each are spending at least RM1 million of tax payer's money, you see all kinds of stupidity.
Take for example a fellow batchmate's fb status posted up a few moments ago:

Thanx JPA....I'll take time to savour this moment!!! Erm, money smell so good!!!

a kind friend reminded him about his duties at the end...
indeed ur serves to d country would b more than d reward :)to which he replied:
Bro, I dont know whether I'll serve M'sia first, Aussie has better reward prospect, big money will be priority bro.
WOW... like how dumb can a person be? he has so many friends on fb which are privately sponsored because they are unable to get a scholarship to study medicine and many had to stay in Seremban to continue their clinical studies because they don't have the cash to study overseas. I mean... when I was in primary school, we were told to be discreet while eating or drinking during puasa time. When we, the non-muslims. wanted to drink water in class.. we had to go out from the classroom and squat down, hiding below the windows, in order to drink some water. I understand that in primary school... maybe we had to do that because our muslim classmates just started learning how to fast. Why can't this idiot practice some sort of discretion instead? Everyone knows about how scholars never come back to the country to practice. Everyone knows how disproportionate JPA allowance is. Many can actually save so much money each month from their allowance, they can go on bi/tri-annual trips to Europe and still buy a ticket back to Malaysia every year. But they should practice a bit of discretion so their blatant abuse of the system is not so "in your face".

And the worst thing....I honestly think that government doesn't give a 2 rat's ass about it. And that's MORE irritating.

vanity

2011-04-26T00:07:00.005+01:00

i'm slightly disturbed by your comments. yes, you: yeen and joanne.
i was contemplating if i should write this down, if i will offend both of you. but anyway, most likely you 2 are the only regular readers on my page so wat the heck.

honestly la, one of you is a friend i've known for the longest time and another is one of my closest friends currently.
not sure if the comments were a poke at teasing me or if it was just a one off thought.
and yes, to address your question, what's with the sudden vanity?
didn't you know i always obsessed about the way i look? HAHAHA. with the camwhoring and what not. heck... i think most of us will be self obsessed with our looks at one point or another. there will be times where we feel slightly insecure about our looks. for me, i've always been insecure about how i look. that's why i hated being in photos (note the past tense. i have to thank xia xun for helping me overcome my fear of being in photos. such a stupid fear to begin with). that's partly why i have such low self esteem. so yes, your one off comments about me being vain has opened a bag of worms.
btw, the definition of vain: 1. Having or showing an excessively high opinion of one's appearance, abilities, or worth.

- google, 2011

I guess you could say that I was being vain since I was fishing for compliments over my photoshop skill. sorry la if I misinterpreted your comment as me being vain about my appearance.

and when i posted that entry, i really wasn't thinking much other than how "untouched" the photo looked eventhough i did so much rubbish to it. and about why i even decide to photoshop that photo:
i am editing over 100+ pics for my amsterdam and belgium trip, basically adjusting the color balance and sharpness of each photo. i do this for photos on trips i care about. i honestly got so damn bored doing the same thing over and over again and i was irritated on how my shirt was riding up my waist. one thing led to another, as I for one can always see imperfection in how I look. geetha kena photoshop cause she would have looked distorted if i didn't. just a case of being in the wrong photo at that time. hahahahhaa.

anyway, just wrote this to get it off my chest. cheers

ps: btw.. the random photo up there was photoshopped. not my best work unfortunately but still okla. i think u can figure out what the original photo looks like. awesome or not?

pps: yes. the trip was awesome and i had fun :D

ppps: friends forever :D i'm just defending my previous entry as not being vain. not taking a stab at both of you

pppps: thoughts and comments pls. kthxbye

photochopping

2011-04-23T20:21:00.002+01:00

my photoshop too cun edi.

original (i tweaked the colours cause wanted to post this up on fb):

photoshoppeddddd
one thing that i realise after doing this for... years: make a person thinner or get rid of lumps by getting rid of shadows or adding shadows to define something. and it's so easily done in photoshop. how nice if it was this easy real life

can you figure out what I modified?
highlight below to find out:
1. our fats. lol. duh. squished us together to make us "slimmer"
2. i made us taller. hehehehhehehee
3. i didn't like how my shirt was riding up my waist :)
4. made our legs "slimmer". squishing together in 1. only works for overall body size. had to tweak the legs individually

2011-04-22T12:19:00.000+01:00

regrets. and things learnt during my short trip

1. I regret not taking more photos while on trips. who cares if i look like a fool taking a photograph of the drains in Europe?

2. I regret not writing down my experiences at least on my smart phone. so many things forgotten already

3. I regret overplanning and worrying too much. Overplanning- not good. It's good to chill

4. I regret not getting that phrase book. darn it. and not speaking my broken french (merci! pardon!) in brussels. i'm so obviously a tourist,i can be excused for mispronunciation (unlike speaking mandarin. that's just plain embarrassing).

5. I regret not making use of the opportunity to get to know the locals when i was actually staying with one. not everyone is out to get you, despite being brought up thinking like that. a random guy who helped us find our way isn't planning to kill you when he ask how long we are staying here for.

6. who we travel with is important. the trip was good but I felt unsatisfied. sure i was tired, but i would have rather traveled another 15 minutes to see another highlight of the city. sure i was budgeting, but i would have spent an extra 6 euros to climb the tower to see the panorama of the whole city. sure i loved taking photos of people and myself but i also like to take photos of the buildings and local atmosphere

7. Punctuality is key. Wear a damn watch next time sooky

8. Bring a larger padlock.

9. Make use of stopovers, even if it's just for a few hours

10. don't bother bringing books (or a book in fact.. unless you're travelling alone/in pairs and foresee a lot of waiting around) especially when the trip is < 1 week. only made my shoulders ached.

Random shots

2011-04-22T00:12:00.002+01:00

Photos from the past 2 months

break is here

2011-04-15T03:29:00.000+01:00

FINALLY. A BREAK

amsterdam :D

this last week has truly been stressful. stupid placement. i hate it so much

Pivotal period

2011-04-13T08:01:00.000+01:00

Every 3 Months:
1. I finish a bottle of shower gel and shampoo.
2. I do a massive grocery shopping (by massive, I mean the bill comes up to £15++)
3. I do a spring cleaning
4. I receive my banking statements and recalculate my budgeting
5. My mood takes a dive and I go crazy
6. Thus I have to leave the country. So thank god there's a holiday roughly 3 months apart

Can't wait for these 2 days to pass

Sent from my Windows Phone

stupid

2011-04-12T23:20:00.000+01:00

do you know what is stupid?

this is stupid: to know that this object is important and that you'll definitely need it again sometime in the future so you decide to store it in a super secure place until you can't remember where you've placed it when that time of need arises.

the object is my spare watch battery (no more calculating pulse rates for these 2 days) and my resealable transparent bags (to bring liquids into an aircraft)

101 Things you didn't know about britain (specific to Yorkshire )

2011-04-06T08:39:00.000+01:00

I'm sure it won't reach 101. But 101 seems like the cliche number to use.
So here we go:
1. Thank you= cheers or "ta"
2. Everyone holds the doors open for everyone. Likewise, you should do the same. I guess I don't notice this much in M'sia cause all the doors here are automatic doors or we just leave the doors opened since it's so darn hot in the room anyway. All the doors here in uk are insulated and heavy and closes automatically to prevent the cold from coming into the room. Which brings me to my next point:
3. When you come across a door, PUSH/PULL HARD! Quite a few times I've stood there like an idiot cause I thought the doors are locked. Then an old lady comes an pull open the door. :-S Doesn't help that there are super strong winds outside
4. You can jaywalk here. With caution.
5. Cars actually stop for pedestrians at zebra crossing. Well, they are meant to but you know... In m'sia they will just honk and give u the dirty look when you do that.
6. Everything can be bought online :D pots, pans, cups, books. Plus... If you search hard enough, it's usually cheaper
7. The sad fact that everything closes at 6pm is TRUE :'(
8. The Sun really does affect your mood. Winter blues are real unfortunately
9. When you come here, you'll go looking for the Sun, Caucasian or not. Cause it's soooo cold, standing in the Sun really makes you warmer
10. They're not really creative with names here. There is a hundred Church Lanes, Hyde park, burley road, all over UK.
11. When finding for an address, the road name is the least important. Get the postcode right. The postcode is extremely specific: my flat has 2 postcodes depending on what floor you're living on.
12. Lambs are as cute as they appear in photos.
13. There are no bugs here. Have yet to spot a 6/4 legged creature. Maybe I'll change my mind when summer is nearer
14. KL seems like a futuristic City compared to most cities here ( well.. Apart fr London) there's not many highrise buildings here. Apparently, towns are not allowed to build buildings that are higher than the church's belltower.
15. It's always grey here. Darn clouds. The Sun is like Houdini
16. Winds can knock you off your feet. Literally
17. Blanket= duvet
18. There's no such thing as bolsters here
19. Everything is counted in ounces, stones and miles. Sucks for us :(
20. Walking 1km is a "short walk" away. We m'sians are quite lazy. So don't be deceived especially when booking accommodations
21. When a person ask if you would like another cup of tea, it's your cue to leave ( a friend told me this)
22. People here do drink a lot of tea
23. People here drink their tea and coffee and tea without sugar. :O just milk
24. Time is told in a different way here. It's not "ten thirty", its "half ten". Or "quarter to 12". Worst is when they say "10 past". They expect you to know the hour. Maybe it's to do with wearing analogue watches. Hardly seen anyone with a digital watch.
25. Common greeting here is "heya, you alright?" in manglish, it means "ello". Hahaha. It's not necessary to answer the qw
26. Everyone calls you "love". Boys call boys that, girls call girls that. Doesn't matter
27. Use terms like "brilliant", "excellent", "great", "fantastic" liberally during history taking/ examination.

I've ran out. Will add more when I think of the rest. Hahaha

Sent from my Windows Phone

throw in the towel

2011-03-19T20:28:00.000Z

i give up

what a strange person i am

2011-03-13T23:13:00.002Z

i'm having the flu but i'm worried that my constant sneezing and coughing will irritate my next door neighbour

what is wrong with me?!?!?!?!

arrogance

2011-03-09T23:29:00.000Z

medical students can get a bit ahead of themselves sometimes.
today, my group had to take a respiratory history from a SP (simulated patient). A student asked "Do you have a temperature?"
After everything was over, the person overseeing the whole thing asked that student, "What is a temperature?"
The student was dumbfounded.
The other person explained that sometimes your patient might not get simple phrases that we take for granted. So she asked him to rephrase the question
"Do you have a fever?"
"What is a fever?"
"Erm.. do you feel hot?"
"That's subjective"
So she said you can ask if the patient feel any chills or ask if they find they have to change their nighties (sweating).

after that, the student was complaining. he said "who wouldn't know what a temperature is?? even a 5 year old would know that"

Sorry dude... I really wanted to tell him that it seriously depends on which part of the world you come from. With the massive amounts of people moving around the world, we can never take for granted who can come walking into our consultation room (or whose bed we come walking to). It can be a foreigner where English is a 2nd or 3rd language. But I kept it to myself as usual. Imagine asking that in a ward in Malaysia. I can guarantee not everyone will understand.
I had to explain what alcohol was to the orang asli in Hospital Gombak. Imagine that.

Good samaritan

2011-03-09T12:26:00.000Z

Riding the train back from Bradford today, I was rushing to catch the train. As I was going in, a man came out to notify the conductor that he saw a red handbag lying on the floor of the platform. I went to an empty seat an peered out- there it was, just underneath the bench. Whoever who left it there must hv placed her handbag on the floor while waiting for the train. The conductor informed the station staff, a burley guy, who then picked up the bag. The train driver made an announcement over the speakers, asking if anyone left their red handbag on the platform. A woman frantically came out and the bag was returned to her ( the station staff was probably asking her to be more careful since the handbag also contained her metro card. Without it, she probably couldn't have travel)

In Malaysia.... The story would be completely different.

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English english

2011-03-09T08:33:00.000Z

Simple English. I don't think I'm an expert in English. I use "lah" "mah" "yah" etc. My sentence structure is less than desirable. I've uttered sentences where I feel like kicking myself later cause the grammar is so atrocious. This is worse coming to a country where English is a first language. Acceptable English standards is no longer accepted. Then there's the local slang n accents. Then I realize, what they speak here is British English. Their usage of certain slangs is their vernacular. I speak Malaysian English. I have no reason to feel embarrassed by my accent. It's my vernacular.

Ok... I got side tracked. Malaysians all have different levels of english proficiency. Some are quite bad, and some are really good. In uk, i still hear very bad grammar which still pains me. Joanne will understand my pain. Ahahahaha.

But what can I say right? I can't speak Chinese. The ones that aren't proficient in english usually can speak other languages better. So, gah....
Sent from my Windows Phone

Just another day

2011-03-07T15:45:00.000Z

Feels like i'm a total dumbo. Mistakes after mistakes. Went in late, let an elderly demented patient out, didn't help the nurse, forgot to wash hands after drawing blood(c. d. pt summore) + I didn't even get any blood after stabbing her twice. pretty damn stressed. Hoping for the best.
Waiting to observe a peg procedure now. Basically a feeding tube that goes straight to the stomach through the skin.

And.. Strange observation but there are a lot of Filipino nurses in the ward.

Sent from my Windows Phone

fulalallalaa

2011-03-04T01:19:00.000Z

ok. waking up with a smile obviously didn't happen. I woke up with more like... a groan. And snooze my alarm for another 15 minutes before I realize I probably would miss the bus/train to Bradford if I didn't get up then.
Oh yes... for those of you uninformed, since I'm so terrible in updating my blog, I'm on Elderly Medicine rotation now in a place called Bradford. Still in Yorkshire (which is still in UK. ahhahaa, dang) I was supposed to get an accommodation there but due to some email screw up, my mail didn't get sent through, I wasn't allocated a place, so I have to travel to and fro everyday. The best part is.... ALL MY GROUPMATES HAS AN ACCOMMODATION. That's like... coincidence of the century since only 16 rooms were allocated to a batch of 30-ish students doing their placements in Bradford. And out of that 30 students (all groups has 6 students each i think), my group is the only group where 5/6 got an accommodation. Me being the unlucky one. gahhhh.
Lucky I have a friend to travel with. Makes the travel pass faster.
So everyday, I have to get up at 6.45am
Get ready, eat breakfast, have my morning coffee (yummm... cappucino.. thank god for tesco's half price sales) and leave my accommodation by 7.30am
Get the bus outside my accommodation to the rail station to catch the train to Bradford leaving at 8.08am.
20 mins train journey, then walk to the connecting bus station to catch the bus to Bradford Royal Infirmary. This has to be done in sequence cause if the train is delayed by 2-3 minutes, i would miss this bus and have to wait for another 10 minutes for the next one.
Then if everything goes well.. I reach the hospital at 8.50am. Just enough time to dump everything in the lockers and walk to the ward.
So today I had some free time and I managed to get a history (although I was secretly hoping to get glucometer signed off and cannulas but no such luck for me. again... for those who are blur: we're given what we call "the blue book" [for obvious reasons... the cover is blue. med students are such creative ppl]. It's officially called "The Basics Skills and Practical Workbook" and we have to get little things (cannulas, venepuncture, taking a history, doing examination, etc etc) signed off by nurses, doctors, etc). I didn't really help save the world as I was hoping with the butterfly effect. In fact... I may have caused that particular patient a delay in discharge. Opps. Only towards the end the guy kindly told me that his son was waiting. I felt so horrible for keeping him longer in hospital. But he was a really nice guy. So hooray to nice guys in this world.

what's task 2?
hmmm...
task 2: think "I CAN DO IT" and shout it out in my loudest mental voice whenever I feel I can't.

tiny steps to joy.

Grapefruit ppl?

2011-03-03T19:53:00.000Z

Ina garten's lemon cake modified by smitten kitchen (smittenkitchen.com) into a grapefruit cake. It has yogurt in it so texture is a bit like bread. Drizzled with concentrated grapefruit juice and sugar.

Taste verdict:
Needs more sugar. Hahaha. But otherwise quite yummy. No wonder they recommended the glaze.i omitted it since I don't hv any icing sugar.

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painful and yet humourous

2011-03-02T22:38:00.002Z

reading my post from 2.5 years ago, not so long ago when i just entered imu. It's strange how i find my old self more entertaining than my current self. The post back then were made when I was less sad, less plain, less worrisome, in short, less emo. My post nowadays are more like shoutouts to show the world how miserable i am, to wallow in self pity and to complain about everything. just like some old grumpy lady. and friends have helped me get out from the rut i was stuck in (big random thank you to joanne, sabby, kaye, xx, siao chen, morgan and countless others for cheering me up last time or just lending an ear). and i'm back here, complaining about the same things. i would hate to be my friend. ahahahahhahahaa.

so... task 1 tomorrow: wake up with a smile, think positive, believe that you're making a difference (the butterfly effect isn't all chaos- perhaps by me taking a history from the little old lady, she forgets about her pain for a minute or so [ok.. i'm lying. i can't take history that fast. more like 30-40 minutes for a full history and a few extra minutes due to my inability to stop them from talking about their pets and neighbours] and because of that she doesn't complains of pain to the already tired nurse who then doesn't make life hell for the junior doctors, making their day happier so they can make better informed decisions and thus lives saved. see... such wonderful effects)

i'll update to let you guys know if task 1 was a success. also makes me update more often. and you guys will notice i can blog from my phone now. so yay! more frequent and random thoughts coming your way. perhaps i should just succumb to media pressures and get a twitter account. tweet tweet.

Spring time.

2011-03-02T16:22:00.000Z

Whoa. It did appear. Testing the image fxn now. Picture of a garden I normally pass by when I walk back fr Leeds general hospital. Before this is was devoid of colours. Just the hardy grass n dead looking trees with bare branches. Now it looks like it's going to be pretty! Imagine flowers in full bloom and trees with plentiful leaves. Few more months now. Can't wait

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Test

2011-03-02T16:18:00.000Z

Hmmm... Will this appear? Testing blogging functionality fr my phone. I'm such an attention deprived child :-S

Sent from my Windows Phone

dammit

2011-02-27T02:47:00.000Z

cross my heart and hope to die- i will never ever be so damn clumsy again.

i hate it when u lose things that are valuable thanks to clumsiness, forgetfulness and just plain stupidity.

this shall bug me to no end. till the end of the week that is. friggin heck

nostalgia yet again

2011-02-18T00:46:00.000Z

too many things to say

it's strange that the choice of coming to IMU, faced with the decision to choose between PMS and Seremban would make such a huge impact. It truly is a life changing decision of sorts. How different life would be if I stayed back in Seremban. I always wondered what would have become of it.

Would I be regretting I did not choose to study overseas?

Would I have the same insecurities I'm facing now?

Would I feel like I'm just looking into the lives of my friends?

Truth to be told, I feel like I've been abandoned by those friends. They have moved on with their lives, focusing on their future, getting caught up in the fast pace of IMU Seremban and its never ending daily assignments to do. Where as I'm left behind, reminiscing about long lost days in the canteen, chattering to them about lame crap, laughing at lame jokes, together, focusing on impending exams. Is Leeds really that laid back or have I lost my drive to continue on. Just last year, I was working my butt off to not only pass but to do the best I can achieve. Fast forward 1 year and here I am, feeling as though I've lost all motivation.
I need my gung ho back.

ahaha

2011-02-14T20:50:00.002Z

headache la

headache

updates updates

2011-02-13T00:38:00.000Z

first of all:
new phone!

it's been a fun phone to use. although i have a few pet peeves with it:
my 3g keeps dying on me. eventhough there is full bar signal. I have to reset it then only i can reuse the 3g.
and when playing games, i keep hitting the search button which pauses the game and bring you to the search tool. gahhhhh.
but other than that... pretty phone!!! i'm just waiting for more apps to come

so far postings have been alright. Just had a weeks break which I feel I've completely wasted. Should have planned a trip down to london or something. Ah well... it was a good relaxing break anyway. Starting monday, I'll be in Bradford. Another town 30 mins away from Leeds. It's quite a diverse place of different ethic groups so it should be interesting. I'll most probably be staying there so thank god I have a 3g enabled phone to play around with. Might contemplate bringing my laptop if it's too boring.
On wed also I have something called an NBME exam. It's an exam mainly used by the US to assess the quality of their own medical students so I think some ppl in the US and UK decided to compare us to them. Without the researchers knowing..... some 50? odd IMU students in the UK will be contaminating the results since we technically received most of our theory training in M'sia. Anyhow, it shouldn't affect the results much since most of our brains berkarat already.

Also went to Ilkley Moors for a day trip last Wed. Pics should be up soon in fb. It reminded me a lot about Broga Hills. Minus the sun, sweat and mosquitoes, add in the wind, cold and dead plants. The top was quite eerie since it was quite deserted and there was a whole vast of plains there. It felt like you could walk on forever and not end up anywhere. We all got quite freaked out by that and decided to head down to civilization. It was still a good trip nevertheless. A break from Leeds and shopping.

Which comes to my next point: shopping. I'm turning too much into a shopaholic. Must stop spending. Must learn from sensei Yeen yee. Darn it la... I'm too weak-willed. temptation is too great for me :(
I've got a plan in place already. (yea.. like my dieting plan which can now burn since I just baked a whole bunch of buttery goodness cornflake cookies)

Tomorrow I shall head to the gym :D Then get some sandwich making stuff and more veges. No more veges
:(

travelogue

2011-01-31T01:01:00.000Z

spring- amsterdam/belgium
summer- prague/budapest
winter- spain/portugal
spring- germany+ swiss+austria
summer- denmark+sweden
winter- greece
spring- Poland

:D

gp postings

2011-01-28T12:00:00.000Z

m'sian gp postings: makan, observe consultations, makan, kena grilled until brain becomes chacoal, study handbook feverishly, makan, bergossip about politics , cabut before time ends

uk "primary care" postings: coffee, observe consultation, tea, ask dumb qws to drs, gets complimented by gp dr, tea, listen to nurse joking about strawberry dick sticks, tea, run away

not too different after all

;(

2011-01-06T17:10:00.000Z

;(

i'm being such an emo kid these days.

look ahead, and know that the sun still shines behind those clouds.

2011

2010-12-30T17:50:00.000Z

2011... sigh

here's to great luck, health, experiences and less heart ache and depression in the new year.

and thus, we venture on.

troubled mixed confused

2010-12-26T08:18:00.000Z

emoshitz. be prepared

i talk too little for my own good. i pent up everything inside. i sometimes don't know what i'm feeling.

people ask me how is the uk. i say it's ok. it's not horrible- the people are somewhat friendly, i'm not so strapped for cash i have to start eating grass, the course is very relaxed compared to the seremban students, my medical knowledge isn't completely empty, i haven't had any major mishaps apart from a lost stethoscope, i haven't had any health problems, i've not been completely depressed until i'm sobbing and crying every night.

All in all, i would say that things are ok. in fact, i never actually cried in leeds apart from one occasion (which oddly was nothing do to with having a bad day or homesickness. i was on the phone with my mom who just told me that she and my dad won't mind me spending rm3600 to come home during christmas. maybe it has something to do with being so relieved to be able to go home. or perhaps it's an overwhelming sense of gratitude. i was fully expecting my parents not to allow me to fly back. it's quite understandable since i've only been there for 3 months? and they hv to spend close to 4k, which they don't even spend themselves, just for me to be back for 2-3 weeks.).

some would say that i'm doing pretty alright for my first 3 months alone overseas. my circumstances have been great- i'm in leeds with 5 other imu students, i'm in an accommodation with great housemates who are considerate, friendly and we haven't had any troubles and i got a pretty good score for my last test.

but i guess that i'm just being hard on myself. stupid facebook. facebook actually makes me feel more down sometimes. that's just because i tend to compare my life with others. then i become frustrated and sad that i'm not able to cope as well. not able to blend in yet, not able to communicate. then a vicious cycle begins, i'll perceive myself as a failure-> low self-esteem-> becoming more reclusive -> becoming more depressed with my failure, repeat.

so lucky i have friends and family. talking to them helps me break out from the cycle.

and i have to stop being so hard on myself. stop beating myself up over stupid small mindless things.

and look forward. i hate that i'm going to have to be there in leeds again. but i have to learn to live with it and hopefully grow to love it in 3 years.

cathartic writing rocks

fatty

2010-12-23T07:08:00.003Z

i gained 4 kg in 3 months. shit

i can't even remember the last time i gained weight and i gained more than 1 kg to represent the months i've been in uk
this is horrifying.

shit this

2010-12-13T17:26:00.000Z

shit this. i'm busting out of here.

how i wish i could say that.

slightly blue blue blueeeeeeeeee
i really hate stress. perhaps it's because i haven't had any assignments for quite some time now. The last one we had was the IMS+ community project crap we had to do for sem 5. Both those assignments I didn't do well. Maybe that's where my fear of blunder continues on. I hate writing assignments. especially horrid academic writing shit. 3000 words man.... 1800 words more to do. i freaking hate this

random thoughts i need to get out:

i feel like i've been here for ages. everyone agrees with me so far. it feels as though I've been here for 6 months. while in actual fact, it's only been 3. 3 mere months. No wonder I still don't feel settled. I need a year to properly settle down. I don't know why I feel so guilty about not settling down properly. No one expects me to know everyone by name in my batch, to have made new awesome friends that I'm as close to as those back home, to not feel homesick, to be superbly capable of living independently, to grow accustomed to their culture and their views here and to be a social butterfly. Am I setting my standards too high? Am I feeling bad for no reason? In my head, I always say to myself: "if only..." "if only i was more sociable" "if only i had more guts" "if only i didn't care what other people thought"
UK is dead during winter. KL is 100% more lively at night or even in the morning. Perhaps is the lack of cars on the roads. Perhaps it's the lack of pedestrians, the lack of mamaks with people chatting away, the lack of night markets with people bargaining, the lack of bright city lights. dead

can't think of anymore random thoughts. had many of those thoughts these last few days.

cathartic writing... i feel better already. watched the nutcracker last friday. it was a ballet performance, soemthing i've never seen before. it was awesome. Although i was nvr interested in ballet nor am i more interested now, the performance was really good. Ii have performed on stage before (choral speaking, choir, dance... all unsurprisingly done during primary school before the insecurities kicked in) and till now, I remember how hard we worked. The practices, the butterflies in the stomach, the great sign of relief and joy you get when the curtains come down and everything went as planned. So each time I see a performance on stage, especially a group performance, I'm always in awe of the hard work they hv poured in, the hours they've spent practicing on stage, sacrificing their time with their family, friends or partners. Anyway, the ballet performance for the nutcracker was awesome. their props and costumes were flawless. I wanna watch another theatre performance now. hahahahhahaa

letting go

2010-12-09T00:42:00.003Z

At the start,

A rope is there,

Ropes that bind us,

That holds us,

Keeps us together,

We hold on dearly,

Day through day,

Night through night.

Slowly distraction creeps,

Determination wanes,
Grips are loosen,

The rope drops,

We leave the field,

Each one holding,

Different ropes; and thus,

The cycle begins.

hahhaa. ironic how things work out to be.

my mom's words will always resonate within my mind. i accepted those words at that time, but right now, i can't believe how true those words are.....

knock knock

2010-12-02T01:43:00.000Z

i'm hearing knocking sounds coming from above me.
at first.. i'm like "who in the world is tapping their chair against the wall at nearly 2am." this is cause i sometimes tap my chair on the floor/wall when i'm bored, studying.

then... i realize....
oh. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i'm naive.

i freaking hate this

2010-12-01T19:50:00.000Z

i lost my stethoscope. my classic ii se littmann stethoscope which retails at rm230. how?

As usual, tuesday mornings are used to clerk patients. I clerk a kind gentleman and was particularly proud that i managed to cover most of the examination without too much hesitation and going back and forth (i find that i go back and forth since we are combining 3 systems (cvs, respi, and git) examination at one go. so while looking at the neck, i check the jvp and carotid but always forget my tracheal deviation and cricosternal distance. for the chest lagi teruk. so many things to do. usually cvs is alright (i'm still not sure if we are required to check for all the regurg, stenosis tho. feels weird to ask the patient to sit up, lean here, breath in/out/hold, when we're already expecting not to find anything since there is no murmur on auscultation) but respi. omg. i still feel my examination technique really sucks. since for respi it's front and back. i usually do it the easy way and do it once either on the front or back. i know i know... not good to skip steps esp for percussion on front and back since all the percussion areas look at diff lobes of the lung)

anyway, back to the story. so i was at the trolley containing all the patient's notes, etc looking at the gentleman's notes and copying down the relevant info. I was very distracted cause I had to keep an eye out for the house officer to sign something for me. The last time i saw my stethoscope was there. on the trolley. I have the image so clearly in my mind.
I think I must have last placed it there cause after that, i went up to the lockers, got all my stuff then had lunch with my groupmates and then headed down to the clinical skills lab. Nvr took out anything from my bag. Even when I come back, I don't usually take anything out from my bag cause I need the same items everyday. Got up late this morning, rushed to the hospital, then lo and behold... can't find my damn stethoscope. I was still quite calm because I thought "oh.. must hv left it in the wards. it should be there cause who would want to take a stethoscope?" clearly i was mistaken. asked around, searched the entire ward, nothing. my groupmates said maybe i left it at home. rushed back, turned my room upside down, nothing.

and it's supposed to be my last week of placements. ARGHHHHHHHHH. I was looking forward to the end of placements so much. SO SO SO MUCH. and this shit hv to happen now.

honestly... i had a lot of trouble believing that my stethoscope was probably taken by someone. I mean.. a stethoscope. it's not a phone, a wallet, a bag. It's something so specific. It's probably like a welder missing his blow torch. like who the hell would want a blow torch? it's only useful if you know how to use one. So i conclude that whoever who took it can be:
1) a doctor who lost his/her own stethoscope recently and it's too damn stingy or still feeling bitter about it and decided to just take the littmann which is lying around. (or maybe he/she just have a lousy stethoscope) [yea. hope karma gets you back for taking from a student who has no income]
2) a person who wants to sell it on ebay (i saw this user on ebay who keeps selling used stethoscope. like come on... how many times does a person replace his/her stethoscope? and i don't think i've ever heard of anyone collecting old stethoscope from ppl to be resold cause stethoscopes are so reliable, they don't really need to be replaced. this person probably sold all the littmanns he/she found lying around on the wards. i probably would see a dark blue littmann being listed on ebay within these few days) [if this was true... i hope you get caught and hv stethoscopes thrown at you for essentially, stealing. doesn't matter if it was lying around. ]
3) a person who is too poor for christmas gifts and has a relative going to medical school. who knows right? christmas is 1 month away only. [stolen gifts are always classy]
4) a very very blur person who took the nearest stethoscope thinking it was his/hers. Then realize it isn't his/hers and proceeded to dump it in a different ward/hospital wing. [thanks man]
5) pesky visitors that thought having a stethoscope for their little kid to play with is awesome. maybe they can nurture their kid into a doctor by giving littmanns to their son/daughter. [damn you. get a friggin toy]

ugh. i'm just really pissed and frustrated with myself. i know i could have been more careful. i know i could have realized it sooner. :(
now i'm just hoping that someone will find my stethoscope in the wards and hopefully it'll be handed back to me tomorrow

2010-11-26T00:30:00.000Z

weird crap. i feel nostalgic listening to this. it reminds me of my carefree days where i'll just sit at home playing the playstation all day. instead, i'm stuck in my box apartment, trying to churn out a 3000 word essay and due to be getting up in 6 more hours. life sucks

i'm suzy. suzy chin sips martini

2010-11-25T21:08:00.000Z

"Alright. let's see who is here; Harry-"
   "Here"
"Sarah-"
   "Here"
"Laura-"
   "Yup"
"ermm.. Soak Chin?"
   "Oh.. It's actually Sook Cheng. But you can just call me Suzy"

For those uninformed, I'm known as Suzy to the Western world. lol. My brother named me basically. Cause right after I landed the first question he asked me was what will my name be. I said Sooky. He said they will never remember my name. After a few random names (Stephanie, Susan, etc) he said Suzy. At first I was like "noooooooo" Then he introduced me to his friend's housemate (ang moh) as "here's sook cheng. or u can call her suzy" and from then onwards the housemate knew me as suzy. so ok fine. i accepted the name
And seriously... it's way better then hving them address you as "hey" "er" "umm"

All my malaysian friends HAVE TO CALL ME SOOK CHENG. NO EXCUSES. Unless you consider yourself to be an acquaintance and not my friend. hmph.

my heart is bleedingggg

2010-11-25T12:17:00.000Z

my heart is bleedinggggg......... cardiac tamponade

man. i need to be more gangsta on the wards.
i need 400 g Confidence tds
500g Timidness inhibitors qds

wtf

2010-11-21T17:10:00.000Z

wtf
wtf
wtf
wtf

my brain just exploded in my skull

i just watched a baby bunny die. on youtube. by a woman. who sat on it. purposely. and laughed. and 2 other women laughed as she did it.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? why did i have to watch that video?????
how i stumbled across it: a friend on fb posted up the link and just commented: want to slap that bitch
ok. i thought it should be a video of some women doing stupid things. and i was bored
*click*
the women was just playing with bunny. the bunny was super cute. then the shit happen. i honestly just cringed and looked at the ceiling until the video stopped.

then i did a bit of googling. apparently it's a "fetish" in china called crush fetish. they get "beautiful" women to basically kill little animals by stomping on them, crushing them basically. then these videos are sold. like. omg. both the seller and the buyer are all equally sick. i don't know how they are considered beautiful since all i see is a retarded women who should get crushed with a baseball bat to her head. ughh.....
i'm so sad that this world is so sick. sickening. and the government doesn't even ban them. sick sick sick

i need to go rinse my eyes with bleach now.

thank you

2010-11-08T20:13:00.000Z

thank you to all my dear dear friends.
it's really good to know that i'm not really alone after all.

but the day is getting so much shorter, the weather much colder and the workload piles on, i guess it's only normal to feel down occasionally. but nevertheless... behind my mind, i know i hv all u guys.

onwards ho! baby steps to graduation. hahaha

emo

2010-11-02T22:06:00.000Z

sometimes i wonder why i bothered to come all the way here, 12 hrs long flight, to:
1) leave all my friends behind in m'sia
2) to basically be alone
3) suffer the cold and wet weather
4) experience longer nights thanks to winter
5) eat crappy microwave food
6) not be able to call home thanks to time difference

i've asked myself this qw so many times... did i make a mistake in choosing the pms route? would i be better off choosing seremban? my parents wanted me to do seremban so much but i was stubborn and stuck to my choice. they told me that i shouldn't regret my choice since they've advised against it so much.

and i sincerely don't want to.

but after a long crappy day at uni, you really just want to go back and complain and talk crap to friends or parents. instead, i come back to an empty room with an electronic square screen as my best companion.

then i regret my choice.

:(

updateeeee

2010-10-29T00:46:00.000+01:00

update. hahaha

will be starting clinical postings next week. starting with Cardio in St James Hospital. Hopefully it'll be ok. I'm crossing my fingers my group and doctors would be alright.
Went out shopping today at a factory outlet store. got the stuff i needed- ballet flats and boots. and a few extra stuff- tshirts and formal pants
still looking for my perfect winter coat and jeans. arhghh. the prices of some things here make me appreciate the prices in Malaysia. Like for example... i won't think a dress priced RM60 would be worth it. But dresses ON SALE here are at 20-25 pounds at least. like i wanted to find a cardigan as well. minimum price here is 10+ pounds. i got my zara cardigan for that price T_T Also saw an MNG here (or mango. always wondered why they don't call it mango back in m'sia. do they change their name to MNG if their franchise is in a non-european/ english is not their first language country?) It's cheaper in Malaysia. much cheaper. Maybe it's because it's not really crazy sales yet. Have to see how boxing day is like otherwise i'll be immensely sad with the shopping here :(

Things been quite relaxing after the spot test (the test was ok btw :D most ppl said it was hard but i came out of the exam room not remembering half the qws i answered. really don't know if my brain is just remembering all the easy stations and selectively forgetting all the stations i found hard. it happened in the past before where i thought the exam was pretty ok but got really disappointed at my results.) anyway, i'm really reluctant to go for my Friday morning teachings tomorrow. An added factor is because I'm meeting my group for the first time yet again. this is because they screwed up my grouping for the first 2 weeks. then they changed my grouping again but i wasn't here for the last 2 weeks. so tomorrow will be the first time meeting them. haizzzz. i'm getting really anti social i think. stupid sook cheng. i need some confidence booster. wish there was a pill for this. anyway, should get to sleep now. due to wake up in 7 more hours.

music to my ears

2010-10-25T20:59:00.000+01:00

i can't listen to emo songs cause it makes me emo too. it's amazing how songs can affect mood so much

nostalgic

2010-09-24T23:10:00.000+01:00

i look at the photoframe joanne passed to me and think, did i really go to imu? (yup, it's staring right back at me. it's nicely situated beside my laptop. my bedside table has too much crap) those times in malaysia seemed so far away and distant, it's unbelievable.

i miss those times where i can free talk crap and don't think about it too much even when i stumble over my words (i remember a great deal of times where i kept pronouncing the word wrongly)
emo period la. must be the upcoming winter blues.

they say leeds has a record of reaching -10 C during winter. whoopie?

brain dead

2010-09-23T20:39:00.001+01:00

i feel horribly brain dead.
maybe it's the piling assignments, the never ending list of to-dos, the despair at the realization of how much i've forgotten since eos 5, the envy i have for those who have started clinical training, the stupid time difference, etc

ugh. my brain is too messy. i need to reorganize and prioritized.
take for example this week's to-dos:
1. i have pbl (here it's called case studies) research to do. then i have to meet up with the others on monday and prepare a powerpoint to be presented on Wednesday. then have to write a short report about the whole case
2. Meeting with SSC (ethics module) supervisor some time soon to start discussing with him about my giant project which comprises of writing a 3000 word report and a grand presentation. not to mention that i have to take a train then a bus just to meet my supervisor who works in another hospital out of town. luckily there's another m'sian guy with the same topic
3. Revise anatomy and do the anatomy workbook properly
4. Finish up tutorial work about IBD
5. Choosing another SSC topic and submit preference by this weekend
6. Call up accommodation to confirm payment and cancel direct debit
7. Do laundry

Not to mention the lectures. they are so boring, you can't help but become blank. Maybe it's because I've learnt it before or maybe because the guy is way too monotonous. Or perhaps I'm not used to his accent. It sounds like the lecturer is mumbling half the time. Or it could be I'm just zoning out that's why i couldn't catch a single word sometimes. Ugh... if this goes on, there won't be a point in attending lectures.

haiz

also quite sad that i can't communicate with a lot of people on the other side of the world. each time i'm free it'll be 3am there. Each time they are free, I have lectures to attend and stuff to settle.
:(

the cherry on the top is that i'm posted out to another town for bedside teaching which is tomorrow. ughhhh. have to get up at 6.45am every friday now.

homesick

2010-09-08T18:26:00.000+01:00

is my subconscious homesick?

i had a dream that i was dreaming about flying to UK. confusing?
what i meant was, i dreamt that me coming to UK was a dream. It was super weird. I was back in M'sia and was thinking "hey, aren't I supposed to be in UK?" then some people (honestly cannot remember who) told me "nooo.. you're in M'sia". then i remember saying "it was so real! i remember the cold steel of the railing i touched when i was walking to the Edinburgh castle" after that i flashback to a real memory of me touching the steel (coincidentally, while i touching the railing, I was thinking if it was all a dream cause it was only my 2nd day in UK and being super jet lagged, I was like in a constant dream mode) then I immediately woke up. lol

amazing how dreams form.

Malacca

2010-09-07T21:38:00.000+01:00

Whoa. long overdued post. But all that matters is that i do it right?
hahaha
Anyway, we finally went on our makan trip to Malacca.
1st activity of the day was Angeline's kidnapping

Her verdict on being thrown into the boot of a car is: hot and stuffy plus bumpy. or something like that.
Then it was a 1 hr ride down to Seremban in 2 cars to visit what i now call..... the pink party house.

Toilet to heaven

Joanne's room

I was like a jakun trying to take photos all the way. hahahahaa. Then after a hilarious toilet trip for all in the house (everyone wanted to go toilet so had to keep switching on the water supply) and an argument of chicken balls vs laksa, we continued down to malacca (chicken balls won btw)

Bebola ayam shop.

5 bola for me

Steamed chicken. yummmmmmm

Eventhough I'm somewhat of a Malacca girl (my father used to come back to Malacca once every 3 months. Now at least it has dwindled to trice a year) I've only tried the rice balls 3 times in my entire life. Once, goodness knows when, 2nd time when I was 18 or so and 3rd time now. The 3rd time was definitely the best of all but I still won't be like those people who drive all the way from KL just to eat chicken rice balls. Like what the heck. I don't mind driving to Penang to eat their asam laksa. But not to Malacca to eat rice balls. lol

Since this was a makan trip, we proceeded to Jonker 88 (which is super nearby my father's friend's shop. lol) to makan dessert:

Mango ice kacang.

Baba Chendol

Mine was the mango ice kacang. Verdict: Pretty yummy. They are a bit stingy on the mango tho. After eating the top layer, it becomes regular ice kacang. hahahhaa. I'll miss this in UK :(

Feeling super full... malacca doesn't really offer much to do. So we just walked around Pahlawan Merdeka mall (i'm tembaking the name, lol. can't remember the name right now)

Joanne's photoshoot. lol. too bad la i don't know how to instruct her on posing

Caught red handed- kelakuan tidak senonoh tidak khalayak umum. (omg. my bahasa. i still remember. lol)

Then it was A'Famosa. The famous fort with no roof and half it's walls gone. But it's a really good place to have a photoshoot. Dramatic lighting, interesting backdrop and lots of props to play with.

Sam was pretty excited to hv his photo taken but too bad he didn't stick to the person holding the camera. lalalala.
But we did eventually take some group photos with the canon. the poor canon... kena abused by us. there were plenty of passerbys looking at us too. hahahha

Finally, our tummies were empty and ready to be filled again. We left to eat satay celup at Capitol. A specialty satay only found in Malacca (altho i think i saw one shop selling satay celup in Subang?)

Was pretty excited. I passed by this shop so many times before and always see long lines of people waiting outside. That day was the day i finally stepped into their restaurant.

The food was ok ok. It was definitely something different but I still prefer the old style satay- kajang satay. This satay is something like steamboat with kacang sauce. But the waitresses were rude. bad service.
As far as I know, capitol satay was supposed to be some family ran business. When we went, everything was ran by their employees. Being employees, obviously they didn't care much about customer service. When asked to bring cucumbers, they just dump the plate on the table. Then just because they think we asked too many times, they wanted to charge us for it. Obviously it's unfair to charge for something that is meant to be free. Haiz.
It really spoiled our mood when the waitresses was so rude. With our mood slightly dampened, we made our way to Jonker Street for last minute shopping (got my dodol for my brother) and we headed back

Though there were bumps towards the end of our trip, I really didn't regret going. Being in a foreign country, these are the memories i'll think back fondly of.
It kind of sad to think that most of us are so busy it's suddenly hard to keep in touch. Soon, our lives will diverge more and more, would there be any possibility of us being like how we used to?

i misss

2010-09-07T21:16:00.000+01:00

i miss friends that i can camwhore with

most of my photos are scenery photos. or either me camwhoring alone. life is sad right now.

spam myself.

2010-09-06T00:37:00.000+01:00

WARNING: LONG LONG POST AHEAD. lol. i wrote this on Words without any internet on the first day of my arrival in Edin. read if you're bored. i'm too lazy to edit. photos will be up much later. probably when i'm in Leeds. here goes:

Hello from the uk

Currently residing in my brother’s friend’s house in Edinburgh. Everything in Edinburgh looks so monotonous. The houses, shops all look the same- old English style houses you see in the movies. Everything is pretty much brown apart from the signboards of various shops.

About my flight, I’ll start with the Airasia one to Stansted. It’s actually not bad at all. I mean, if you can get tickets rm1000 cheaper than the normal commercial ones, it’s really worth it. Ok, back to the day’s events: I was woken up by my mom at about 5.30am. It’s like... the crack of dawn. But throughout the night I really couldn’t sleep well too. I was worried that I may leave stuff behind, then suddenly my room became too hot (was suffering from a frontal headache. Those that talked to me on msn would know. Lol) so I thought I was getting sick, the my brother made a lot of noise trying to bathe at 4am. I think I was partly too anxious and excited to sleep anyway. But the morning passed very fast. Stuffing small items into my handbag at the last moments, then my father was busying himself by taking photos (lucky he did too. I don’t think i have my photos of my own house. Ahahahhaa. Why take photos when you’ve been living there for the past 20 years right? But I’ll probably treasure these photos) Soon, it was 6.30am and I really had to go.

Reached LCCT probably at 7.10am. IT WAS SO CROWDED! The screwed up part about Airasia is only because you have to go through the LCCT. Everything look so disorganized. The line to Stansted was really long. But luckily they opened 4 counters to process everything (note to anyone: checking in online is the way to go. There is a baggage drop counter which is super fast) Waited for nearly an hour in the line and was finally given my boarding ticket (which looks like some supermarket receipt with a sticker on top. Ahahhahaha) My luggage was 21.2 kg but the guy at the counter just overlooked it. Thank you anonymous airasia dude at counter 2.

Hugs and a few photos later, I had to go through the security checkpoint, duty free areas then the boarding hall. When we boarded the plane for the 12 hour flight, it’s quite funny to note that I noticed 2 english dudes talking to each other in the hall. It’s obvious that they just met in the airport and they were talking quite loudly with one dude having plenty of tattoos. Weirdly, the tattoo dude sat on the same row as me. Later, the other guy sat 1 seat away from me by coincidence too (airasia botched up the seating. They gave him a seat that was already allocated to someone else) Darn it, if airasia didn’t botch it up, i would have the entire middle row to myself. Grrrrrr..... which is also weird cause the plane was pretty full apart from my row. Ahahahhahaha.

My handluggage weighed in at 10-12kgs. LOL. Thank god they don’t weigh the handluggages. And airasia was pretty lax with the 1 handluggage ruling. I brought my small handbag, my 11kg monstrosity, and another bag containing my winter coat. I also underestimated how high the overhead compartments were. Each time I had to lift up 11 kg above my head, my mind will be going “please let me be Hercules, gimme Herculean strength. Pls don’t let 11kg slide and smack me right in the face”. Amazingly my arms held up and i did get it into the compartment, albeit with a bit of struggling.

I still feel pretty awkward striking up a conversation with the English dude so I didn’t. Haiz... should have had the courage to. Can improve my PR skills. So i diverted my attention to my book and mp3 player. It was sooo boring. Thank god they served their first meal 3 hours into the flight. I got briyani rice. The container was pretty small (think OHCM size) and they gave us a 350ml mineral water too. The rice was actually not bad at all. They dumped in spices, etc so it was really fragrant. Then they started selling their e-player (a handheld device which contained your usual inflight entertainment). Before the flight, I thought I can tahan the boredom and save my rm30. Really cannot (at the same time, I browsed through their movie selection they had 2 movies I wanted to watch: Iron man 2 + Prince of persia) So I entertained myself with their player for the next 4 hours. The other movies that were there was Future X-cops (some HK movie. I watched the first 10 minutes and decided it was too dumb even if I was bored. It featured some idiot terrorists with bat wings, cockroach hands, ant face, mouse tail (ok.. i wasn’t really paying attention. But cockroach hands is true) ); The Proposal (watched. Yawn); The Last Song (Downloaded) and The Spy Next Door (watched this at the end of the flight. Some typical kiddo movie featuring Jackie Chan). Then they had random episodes of tv serials inside (some episode from season 3 of Greys Anatomy, random episodes of Scrubs, 2 and a half man, Castle, Ugly Betty. Weird. I wonder how they choose which episodes to put in). 2^nd meal came 3 hours before we landed. I got served with their Nasi Lemak. OK.. now the thing is everyone says the nasi lemak is quite good. To me, I prefer the briyani. Perhaps they toned down the nasi lemak since it’s an international flight cause the sambal tasted like tomato sauce. But still decent. At least it wasn’t tasteless.

About their seats: able to recline... probable 20 degrees. A neck pillow is really helpful here. Then the aisle were quite tiny. Anybody running past will definitely brush your hand or leg. No hope of going to the toilets when the flight attendants are serving the food cause the whole cart will be occupying the aisle. When we were landing... i noticed you could actually adjust your headrest up and down T_T. Total sleeping time on the plane: 1 hr 30 minutes. I attributed it to the fact that the sun was constantly shining (morning flight mah), the kids running around, the annoying little girl behind me who keeps banging on her tray and the absence of neck pillow.

Another funny incident: Towards the end of the flight, when I was watching a movie through the eplayer I have a tiny audience behind me watching also. lol. The grandmas will be more discreet, standing behind my field of vision while the kids are braver. They stand beside me. Hahahhaa. Then more kids came when i was trying to play some dumb caveman game. They all crowded beside me trying to see what I was playing.One kid asked me if i liked the game. Ahahahhaa. I said “it’s alright” Then some kid with an English accent said “this is rubbish” and ran along the aisle. The others soon follow. Little snob. I know you have your PSP but too bad you didn’t charge the batteries :P So BOO to you. Anyway, must thank him for leading the kids away.

So finally landed in Stansted at 3.35pm (10.35pm malaysian time). We were actually early by 30 minutes. Pulling the damn handluggage out of the compartment was also an amazing feat. Luckily i didn’t swing it around and hit anybody in the face. Their glasses would have flown across the cabin if my luggage hit them in the face. After that, we had to get onto the train to head to the terminal. There, I really feel like a midget. Big sized coated fellas were all crowding around me. Really intimidating. Then lugging around all my stuff with my 21kg luggage is no joke. I think my humerus would have just popped out of their sockets if i kept pulling my luggage with the 11kg handluggage on top. Gave in and rented one trolley (you have to insert 1 or 2 pound coin to use their trolleys. Something like shopping trolleys at Carrefour. Get some coins if you’re coming to stansted with a lot of luggage) Stansted airport is like another LCCT except smaller. Lol. The terminal is basically one big rectangle shaped building. I thought I had to go to another floor to get to the departure hall. Turns out i just needed to keep heading right. And they don’t have any wireless there. Sad. So I spent another 4 hours exploring, struggling with luggages, and reading my book. Finally came the time to check in (this time I was smarter. I checked in online with easyjet cause you can check in online with them 60 days before your flight. Crazy!!) So i just had to drop off my luggage. Muahahaha... the officer commented that I looked better with my shorter hair then long hair (cause my passport photo was taken before i chopped off my hair) Said thanks but should have retorted that everyone looks pretty ugly in their passport photos (true right?). My luggage was also cleared (i think it was below 20kg there cause i took out 900 grams of powder (curry powder and some instant stuff la) and stuff into my handluggage. Lol. My handluggage must be 12kg)

This part i was really scared cause I heard so much about how strict they were with handluggages. The check in officer also said that i must put in my handbag into the handluggage since they only allowed 1. I just wore the coat so no problems with the other bag. Thank god my handluggage is some magical doraemon’s pocket. My handbag could go in!!! It weighs 13 kg now. Ahahhahahaha) During boarding I saw some other ppl carrying much larger handluggages then me, so wat the heck la. As expected, i really struggled with lifting the handluggage into the compartment. Luckily there wasn’t much people boarding at that moment so I could take my time. The luggage hit me on the face though. Had to adjust my glasses later. L ) Easyjet is free seating, so you get to choose your seat if you’re early. I’m kiasu so i got to pick my seat- window seat :D. It’s pretty cool to watch the plane take off and land. It’s amazing to realize how far we’ve come since the Wright brothers. Then you can see the city lights from the sky. Cities are like molten lava with streams of gold flowing away from it, glimmering and shining gold. Super pretty but my camera couldn’t capture the scene (the windows are quite dirty. Ugh) I kept trying to figure out which was leeds. I think Manchester was the one which looks like a giant sea of gold. Super big city.

Finally arrived at Edinburgh at 10.10pm (5.10am m’sian time) Was waiting for my big luggage when my brother surprised me. WAT THE HECK? Their security is so laxed that visitors from outside can visit the baggage reclaim area. If Malaysia..... everyone’s luggage on the carousel would have gone missing. Everyone from outside just come in and take. First thing he said when he saw me “Why you cut your hair like boy?” LOL. That was how long I’ve never met my brother. But I was super relieved to see a familiar face. Travelling whole day like a mute person isn’t fun. I know I know... should open up to strangers more to make friends. We travelled to his friend’s place in the city. Had pizza and talked a bit before I finally decided to die on the bed at 12am. Means i’ve been awake the whole day apart from 1.5 hr of sleep in the plane. + probably slept only 2 hrs the night before. Hooray to youthfulness. Woke up this morning at 7am. I foresee sleepiness in the evening when the time in m’sia is 12am.

shall update

2010-09-02T04:36:00.000+01:00

will update soon soon soon.

it'll be a long post. ^_^

confused

2010-08-28T20:11:00.002+01:00

mixed feelings.
everyone is leaving me first :(

worst luck this year

2010-08-21T18:01:00.000+01:00

i always thought i was a pretty lucky girl. every year i have my ups and downs, but mostly ups and rarely any downs.

this year... has got to be my unluckiest year.
saman, fines, broken blender, spoiled computer, arguments, things that generally doesn't make sense and just plain unluckiness.

the accommodation i applied for suddenly decided to have a massive discount on their rental.

pfffffffft.... wat the heck indeed

:'(
things could have been a lot worse i guess. like how i amazingly don't get into accidents even though i'll be yawning away at the wheel. or perhaps not passing EOS 5, not getting into my top 3 unis, stricken with a chronic illness (lol.. it's debatable since i get sick so often), not having healthy family+friends.

but i really hate this feeling- that i got sucker punched in the stomach by fate.

very the lazy

2010-08-17T10:26:00.000+01:00

my cycling chronicles. extremely overdued post.

On such a nice fine day, I decided that I have to learn how to cycle. I'm too old to not know how to cycle. So, with this determination and will, I went to Taman Pertanian Malaysia at Bukit Cahaya, Shah Alam with friends to rent a bike and CYCLE. by hook or by crook.
The first hour was painful. I kept stopping. Any movement I made was because I walked and not because my feet were on the pedals. 2nd hour; there were occasional glorious moments where both my feet were off the ground and on the pedals. but very very short lived. Soon after both feet were on the bike, I'll be swaying like crazy and soon have to stop. And finally, I got the hang of pedalling and balancing. Then I was banging into trees and falling into mud.
But I managed to cycle!!!!!
This was my reward:

few days later it turned even more awesome:

now its' mostly fading so I went back to get more today. ahahahha. Got a new one on my left thigh. But today I managed to cycle a further distance. I'm still a newbie (fell off my bike twice) where starting off is still difficult for me. I'm sure I can get the hang of it soon and i'll be cycling around UK!!

update pls

2010-08-09T20:26:00.000+01:00

time is passing pretty quick. weeks past just like that.
I've finally managed to submit my visa application. a bit of hiccup with the application but hopefully everything will be ok (the dumb "check your application status" online has been showing the same message for the past 3 working days. it states that my application will be processed and my application was sent to the british embassy on __(blank)___. i wonder if they are lazy to update the information or they are really that slow. the friggin embassy is just down the same road for heaven's sake.)

last week i also managed to go cycling with the regular imu bunch. well... not that i went cycling. more like walking/falling with the bike. i got some pretty decent sized bruises on both legs- a huge blue/purple/yellow-green one covering my left knee with smaller bruises dotted around it; 2 huge yellowish ones on the shin of my right leg (these 2 are the most painful ones when pressed. the more docile looking bruises hurt more... hmmmm) and 3 freaking humongous blue blacks on the calf of my right leg. and probably 2 bruises on each butt cheek. can't really check since i can't look at my own ass XD + 1 blister conveniently located between my thumb and 2nd finger. pictures shall be displayed soon. hahahhhaa. i look like some child abuse victim if i walk the streets in shorts.
well... all those damage wasn't for nothing. i managed to cycle a fair bit just before we returned the bikes. a little unsteady and still unable to turn. but hey... at least i managed to hv some wind in my hair that day.

then i've also started packing. packing for holidays are fun. packing to go away for 1 year isn't. everything you dump in must be given thought to. + i'm travelling with a budget airline. they are pretty strict with the check-in luggage weight. i'm hoping that my weighing scale and their weighing scale will tally. as for hand luggage, airasia isn't that strict on the size and weight of the luggage (although it also depends on the officer in charge that day) so i'm not to worried about the kl-> london flight. I'm more worried about the london-> edin flight. Cause I'm flying with easyjet (another low cost carrier), they have implicitly stated that they will only allow 1 handluggage for all passengers with strict size requirements. even laptop bags/handbags are counted as 1 handluggage. so my handluggage will have all my precious electronics
right now, i've dumped in my formal clothings, foodstuff (lol. instant curry. ahahhaahhahaa), notes (friggin 4kg there. might have to leave more notes behind. maybe i'll take out all of mala maung's and some of vijay singh's notes XD) shoes, my brother's stuff (hmph. this must have took up about 4 kgs too), toiletries, misc stuff and it all adds up to 18 kg. i have yet to add in more everyday clothing (ughhh... still got 2 jeans and quite a few tops to stuff in)+ handbag. might have to transfer stuff into the handluggage.
my handluggage leh.... will be packed at the last minute.

hopefully everything would be ok. i'm really excited and yet really scared too. and the people at leeds really are slacking. they still haven't send us any student id nor any details about the course, payment details, etc.
my parents summore will be going away to melbourne this sunday. once they come back to m'sia, 7 days later, i'll hv to be at the lcct. time passes really really fast.

:(

hey. it's august!

2010-08-03T19:01:00.000+01:00

august!!! THE 3RD OF AUGUST!

exactly 30 days from this date, i'll be on an airasia plane over some sea, with 4 more hours to touchdown. Probably sleeping or going crazy from boredom.

visa documents are finally coming together. Just need to collect a few more documents and i'm done! Tomorrow is my date with the visa office. Hopefully everything will go well and i'll get my visa next week :D

Watched Inception with yeen and kaye too. Finally. after so many postpones. Inception... is really really good. The pace of the movie is very fast, not draggy at all. The concept is very interesting so it makes you want to know more, to figure out the mystery and pseudo science behind it. The acting was brilliant. I especially liked Marion Cotillard who played Mal. She played the crazy suicidal wife. And Arthur! darn. they made him look really cool here. So diff when he played the alien in 3rd rock from the sun.
There are various theories about the storyline of Inception. I didn't even know there was so much depth in the whole story. I'm one of the masses who chose the easy plotline to understand. No idea how some people can think it to so much depth. And their theory fits too! Christopher Nolan is a genius. And I guess it shows how much thought he put into the whole story. Every little detail has it's own meaning. It's appropriate that the entire story actually took 10+ years to write.

I won't mind watching it again. It's at the same level or better than A Beautiful Mind.
:D

fallalalala and we're left with 1 more month

2010-07-26T19:04:00.000+01:00

it's amazing how time flies. It's been a month already. I guess in this time of latency, it's easy to forget that you're a medical student. I think I've forgotten almost everything I've crammed for EOS 5. It's quite sad to note that I forgot what ankylosing spondylitis was. My father nearly had a MI when i told him I couldn't remember.

Crap.
Time to open the books.

Anyway, I found out that in Leeds, 3rd year students are still going through some basic sciences (reproduction and embryology... sucks) then we will be doing some work in the hospital. At the end of our 3rd year, we'll have the written exam and OSCEs (oh.... such joy!). They have something called spot qws based on biomed topics included in the exams. They say this is the killer part of the entire exam. I'm guessing it's something like our OSPE where we are pressed for time and have to think and answer correctly. Then only in the 4th year we'll be thrown into the hospital for clinical rotations. 5th year will be just shadowing a junior dr.
I'm slightly relieved that we don't get thrown into the hospital setting straightway, but as my mom put it, it's also a waste of time and money if we're studying topics covered in IMU already. But can't really do anything now :(
I can't but wonder what would have happen if I chose a different uni as my top 3 choices. If IMU didn't ask us to change our PMS preference the 2nd time, I would have ended up in a completely different continent. Lol, it's probably happening in a different dimension somewhere out there.

Haiz.

i should update

2010-07-21T06:07:00.000+01:00

so many things to write about but just no inspiration to sit down and blog properly.

it's mostly nostalgic stuff, things that keeps me awake, the things that i'm doing right now, the things i want to do, etc.

holiday progress: stagnant. when you're down on money, everything becomes stagnant.
leeds progress: stagnant. i need that dumb number!!!
packing: stagnant. i'll pack in aug. lol. classic procrastinator.

my first 10km. :D

2010-07-10T20:03:00.001+01:00

*pictures were taken by hui xian not me. i didn't want to risk my g11 getting lost here.

The day begun before the crack of dawn- at 4.30am. cause we needed to get to the bus station at 5am for the shuttle bus (where they con our money. they requested we buy a rapidpass at rm15 so we can board the shuttle bus. but wth... they didn't even ask to see our pass. any tom, dick and harry can just hop on the bus that day)

When we arrived at Dataran Merdeka, the full marathon runners were already flagged off at 5am (crazy shit?!). After checking in our bags, we wandered around and camwhored here and there. There were a lot of people doing light exercises (looking like super pro runners with their personal timer, water belts, dressed head to toe in nike/addidas/etc etc) while we were making dumb poses. still exercise i guess.

Blocking people's way

ARGHHHHH!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M AWAKE AT 5AM!!!!

Flagging off the 21 km runners

Camwhoring before our own flag off at 7am.

The massive crowd. Can't believe so many people like to murder their legs.

Run run run

More running. lol at the guy who is taking pics too.

COMPLETED! Clocked in at 1 hr 26 minutes. My official timing is 1 hr 24 minutes cause we were at the back of the group and we took 2 minutes after the timer started to cross the starting line.

Shiny medals for the both of us :D

Btw... the baggage service totally sucks. Queued up for 30 minutes in the flaming hot sun then they suddenly announced that we must rearrange ourselves according to our baggage number. Mayhem ensued and i just potong jalan (like so many other ppl) and got my bag within 15 minutes.

Since we are totally aunties, we thought we must use our rapidpass until we puas hati (rapidpass is valid for any public transport service for 1 day). so we went to petaling street to eat beef noodles (super yum! but omg... i think i forgot where was it already) then took the lrt to klcc to surprise a friend of mine [who wasn't there anyway. :( ]

but we did go and wash up and change then headed to sg wang... to go to toilet bowl restaurant. lol. seriously. hui xian forgot the name of the restaurant so she asked the reception where is the toilet bowl restaurant. the guy, without blinking or giving us the look of "wth?", told us to go up 1 floor and head to the right end of the shopping mall to get to toilet bowl restaurant. ahahahahahahahaha

I found out I was a boy here

Hui Xian found out she likes to pee in socks and pants.

Ok... so we have 2 girls, waking up at 4.30am, running/walking/jogging non stop for close to 2 hrs, then lining up in the hot sun for another hour then we went han kai in petaling street -> klcc -> sg wang.

But now... i was friggin tired. we made our way to kelana jaya station and took a bus back home. And then crashed for 4 hrs. But that gila WONG HUI XIAN... she bathed and msged me if i wanted to head to pyramid. lol. i didn't see the msg obviously... but she did go there anyway. crazy girl.

then the next day at 8pm i started my journey to redang. ahahahahhahahaa. amazingly... my legs were only sore for the next day. when i arrived in redang... it seems like the soreness magically disappeared. awesome :D

but it returned again after my redang trip la. thanks to my horrible swimming technique... i probably tore up some muscle fibres. haahahahaha

redang part 2

2010-07-08T04:56:00.000+01:00

sunrise.............. beautiful? lol... i think morgan said my camera made the sunrise look better than real life. ahahahhahahahaha. love u baby g11 :D

we didn't do much other then camwhoring and playing around the jetty after that.

a famous place where some hong kong movie starring sammi cheng was shot. the original building was actually torn down but laguna built a replica of it. it's now an overpriced souvenir shop (didn't hv time to visit tho)

finally it was time for our 2nd snorkelling trip at the marine park @ pulau pinang. this time we actually rented an underwater camera and we brought some bread to feed the fishies.

The fishes.... super ganas. i was holding bread in my hand and one fish actually bit my hand. crazy. It's actually quite scary to watch all the fishes eating away up close. who knows one might just chomp off the tip of your fingers.

The marine park was... meh. Lots of dead corals in the middle. I got separated from the group after a while but I went ahead and tried to follow ee wei and the guide. the guide showed us some strange corals (it closes when it's touched) and also the moray eel. wow... gigantic.

luring out the eel with a piece of dead fish

the moray eel is at the bottom of the pic. i didn't click the shutter fast enough as it really happened in a blink of an eye.

After that i really cannot swim anymore thanks to my useless swimming technique (kicking only. my hands were useless for some reason) so i just drifted around finding for the others. finally i found them and we went ahead and saw a sunken ship

haha. hms repulse or prince of wales?

not sure about the exact location, but another friend said that sting rays can be found just a little off to the right more, slightly beyond the buoy. darn it... her guide showed her that.

as for the 3rd and final snorkelling trip, i didn't bring my camera so no pics to show. But it was another deep sea snorkelling. too bad the currents were quite strong and it kept bringing me to the shallow corals. 30 minutes before the time ended, i really couldn't swim anymore and was just drifting along. my motion sickness kicked in (thanks to all the swaying motion) and i felt really really sleepy and had a headache. ughh...
morgan, parisha and ange thought i died or something (lol. but seriously, thanks for the concern :D)

the guides decided to bring us back early anyway because the currents were getting a little too strong. so we were back at shore by 4.30pm. With time to kill... we tried our hand at volleyball

well... it didn't really worked out well as:
1) volleyball needs a lot of upper strength. seriously. it's not as easy as it seems. and we had 4 girls and only 2 guys. the guys could play... the girls.... meh
2) all of us were beginners. we spent more time picking up the ball then actually hitting it
3) parisha was scared of the ball. ahahahhahahahahaha

but i guess it was all worth it as we got one of the most memorable scenes EVER: morgan hitting himself in the head with the ball (it hit pretty hard....) and his ray-bans falling off. then him crumbling down to all fours to let all a dramatic hail of "arghhhhhhhhhh. MY RAY BANSSS"

after that it was off to laguna (to our awesome discovery of a swimming pool in an island)
i failed at swimming even there :( only can swim backwards. so sad la

parisha, me and ange then frolicked in the beach with morgan and sam joining us later. it was just so relaxing and stress free to be enjoying the waves and just having chit-chat.

we did the whole set of playing card symbol: hearts, diamonds, clubs and spades. ahahahhaha. this is supposed to be spades. lol

we didn't really do much at night other than walk to the other end of the beach. soon, everyone was too tired to go on playing cards (morgan kept winning this time. lol... i think that killed the fun)

the next morning was pretty much a blur. we woke up, ate breakfast and returned the keys + snorkel equipment. then we looked around the souvenir stores. before we know it, we had to rush to the boat for us leave already. ;(

gbye dear redang.

but that wasn't the end of the story. ahhaha. we stopped by a keropok stall on the way to the bus station. cheap btw. i didn't know that and my mom scolded me for not buying more (rm5 for a medium sized packet of uncooked keropok, rm8 for a big packet. they sell the ikan parang variety too [lighter color] for rm9. in subang, i saw 1 packet goes for rm18, double the price)

goat at keropok stall. really smelly though. the other goat kept wanting to get out from the kandang when i approach. or either it wanted to eat my camera strap.

who thinks it's funny that it says "tidak gatal" hahahahaha. ange said it probably means no allergic reaction. but it didn't really say "takkan mati". some ppl hv anaphylaxis reaction towards prawns XD

Soon, we arrived at the bus station again and like ants to sugar... all the city folk made a beeline to mcds nearby. the bus station is very dodgy though. me and parisha were transferring the baggage to the bus (since the others had to go to the toilet and 7-11) and straightaway there was this guy who were following and staring at us. lucky morgan was jaga-ing the rest of the bag and we called him to follow us. hahaha.

before we left for redang also there was this creepy beggar who suddenly stood really close to ange to ask for money. super creepy.

then it was just another 7 hr journey to KL. me and parisha woke up every 30 mins while the others slept peacefully. sad la. we arrived back at hentian putra at 8.30pm. then we all parted ways while ee wei, ange and sam followed me to the subang station.

last shot of the day

i was exhausted when i arrived back. but the trip was very fun and rewarding. the marine life there is gorgeous and it's really possible to snorkel without knowing how to swimming (obviously with guides and friends watching over. i don't think i'll dare snorkel out alone). really a rewarding trip after our horrible EOS 5.

Redang. the real post. lol. part 1

2010-07-05T07:04:00.000+01:00

ok, here goes:
Supposed to write about the marathon first but I've to wait for pictures from my dear friend hui xian who is in.... dunno where. MIA.

anyway, we finally went to redang! Gosh.... I've been wanting to head to redang since 3 years ago. Plan but tak jadi each time. Finally.... the long wait is over. It all started from a status update of mine in FB. hahahahaha. after that it progressed to a discussion over lunch in Sri Emas, IMU.
After much research (while everyone was busy studying anatomy of the arm, i was studying the geography of redang, where all the resorts are located. ahahahhaa), deposit paid and bus tickets bought and ALL OF US PASSING OUR EOS 5, we're off to kuala terengganu at 10pm on the 28th of June.

Before that, me, sam, ee wei and angeline took the ktm to the putra station from subang. Sam surprised all by coming early and ee wei surprised all by coming late (hahaa. she had to alter her sister's pants before coming, hence the lateness) We very very nearly missed the train (lol. i was walking in front when i saw a malay lady in a blue baju kurung started running. turned back- lo and behold... the train was coming towards the platform already. so i'm like "omgggg.. the train is here!!" and ran like a mad woman. i still remember angeline saying she can't run. hahahahaha. but we made it anyway. thank you to the train conductor for holding the train back for us)

In the bus ride, sam surprised us with how ready he was- he brought insect repellent and plenty of snacks. morgan... didn't really surprise us with his hair therapy. he didn't bring towel, shampoo and soap.

the journey was 7 hours long. not many of us slept for more than 3 hours though. Curiously, there was another bunch of chinese people in the bus heading to redang too (the whole bus was full)

At 5am the next morning, we arrived at MBKT bus station

After a bit of confusion with where to meet our driver, we settled down at the Pelangi Resort office just across the street. There, we met a French tourist who was wondering if they could follow our group to redang too. We didn't see her after that so I guess the resort was fully booked then.
We had to wait 2 hours because another giant group of chinese people were late. i think this group has 17 people in total. When they arrived, we hopped on the Pelangi bus to Merang jetty. Everyone fell asleep during this bus ride (only morgan and sam were competing not to fall asleep. and dumb morgan managed to snap a picture of me and ee wei sleeping instead (gahhhhhhhhh).)

The jetty was really small. It was more of a wooden platform and a shed to cover us from the sun. too bad for us, we had to wait for the 2nd boat (since all the kiasu kl folks jumped on the first one already). We really should have looked around the souvenir stalls there as their pricing is really cheap!
Just beside our shed was the laguna's platform. theirs had fans!!! but i guess you get what you pay for.

Boat ride was extremely fun. redang was only 30 mins away from the jetty. we were on a speedboat so it kind of felt like a mild roller coaster. our butts would fly up each time the boat crash through a wave. I'm proud my camera managed to take clear shots eventhough the ride was so bumpy.

Redang.... was instantly breathtaking. The sand was super soft and white, and the waters so blue... i think i mentioned "i love the sea color" to parisha a million times.

I had to settle some stuff at the reception area (omg... i conversed in my broken mandarin. hahahahahaha) and then we had to attend some briefing (in mandarin again. i'm proud i was able to translate some stuff to parisha (who was appropriately mad at them for talking in mandarin when their english is perfectly fine))
Then we got our snorkel gear, dumped our stuff in our room, got changed, and ran to the sea :D

Snorkelling was a bit difficult for me. Had to get used to the very salty seawater (you are bound to swallow some of that icky stuff no matter how good a swimmer you are). I nearly chocked a few times cause when sea water enters your nose or throat, it really irritates the mucosa. blehhh
the trick is to always remember to breath with your mouth and forget about breathing through the nose. lol.... and it may seem like common sense, but i always put my head in too deep.... causing water to go through the tube and into my mouth... bluek.

We just had lunch and played some cards to pass time before our first snorkelling trip.

I really didn't know our first trip out was to deep sea. Horribly terrified when i saw the boat stopping in the middle of the sea and then the guide told us to snorkel here. Me, parisha and angeline had panic written all over our faces. Ee wei and the 2 other crazy dudes just jumped off the boat. Noooo... they didn't use the staircase like normal people would... they JUMPED.

Me, angeline and parisha took the normal people's way- the stairs. even then, it was quite terrifying for me cause when i stepped off... i think i sort of jumped off it expecting to land on something. instead... i was submerged in water and some water went into my nose. lucky the lifejacket brought me right up to the surface otherwise i would've just panicked and drowned. lol.

gosh... the corals at this place was the best. THE BEST. out of the 3 snorkel areas, this was the best place as it was the deepest too . too bad for us, we didn't rent any camera :(
Saw a lot of different corals and fishes. Ee wei was luckier as a guide noticed her and showed her a starfish he picked up. then proceeded to show her the nemo fish, sea cucumbers, etc
my other friends told me that guides have a preference towards girls... hahahaha. they were much more lucky as they saw stingrays and baby sharks i think.

after snorkelling, i was super hungry and tired. maybe it was due to my incorrect swimming technique (i only could flap my legs... wat the heck. my brain couldn't coordinate my hands and legs) or maybe it was the marathon.

Then we had afternoon tea

and then a camwhore session :D

We ended the day with dinner and a walk towards laguna's side of the beach. Actually the stretch of beach in front of us was better than theirs- the other beach had quite a bit of dead coral bits... so quite painful to walk barefooted there. Ours was really silky smooth...

we played heartattack later and laughed like crazy people. Morgan was the source of our entertainment. His reaction time is so slow.... he got hit most of the time. My luck also was quite bad... hardly could "heartattack" first :(

finally slept at 11pm (early by kl standards. hahahahhaa) and woke up at 5.30am the next day to catch the first glimpse of the sun....

Redang................information. lol

2010-07-05T05:36:00.000+01:00

misc stuff i found out through my research on redang (anybody who stumbled through here can benefit :D) i feel i must jot it down since so much time and sweat has been wasted on this. hahahahha

best time to travel to redang: june/july. cheapest time is april/may and sept/oct as the seas are rougher. resorts can be as cheap as rm200+ for a 3d2n package (tho a friend who travelled during may said it was fine weather there. depends on your luck i guess)
there's also a sport named candat sotong where they go out and catch sotong i think. i also think it's a night activity where they bring u out to sea and u well... fish for sotong. if i remember correctly, it's rm50/person and only happens during early june.

transport: bus or air to kuala terengganu. (perhentian island requires you to travel to kota bharu).

bus- rm80/return is the cheapest i found online by transnational and departs from hentian putra near pwtc. obviously there will be cheaper ones but it'll probably require some travelling to the bus station itself to purchase the tickets. transnational tickets can be bought from certain petronas stations (usj 9 for example).

air: airasia is the cheapest obviously. rm200 for a return ticket

travel from kuala terengganu to the jetty can usually be arranged by the resort. the usual pricing is rm10/way

then the ferry transfer is usually included in most packages. but if it's not, it's usually rm50/return/pax

accommodation: best resort= laguna. but it cost around rm600+ for a 3d2n package.

the cheapest i've found is pelangi which cost around rm320 for quad sharing. but it can be cheaper depending on the period.

marine fees are compulsary- rm5. snorkel equipment + lifejacket are also compulsary (duh) and it's usually rm10/ item for your whole stay there.

underwater camera- as far as i know, pelangi offers the cheapest rental. rm30/day for 50 photos, rm40/day for 80 photos and rm50/day for 150 photos (considering that all the photos are set to the highest resolution the camera is capable of). the bad thing is that you must conserve the camera's battery as they charge rm10 for a recharge (but they also purge your memory stick and transfer the images to their com so you get another set of 50/80/150 photos to take. so might not be a bad thing) i think the camera is pretty old, so the one we had, the battery life was probably 2 hrs at most.

snorkel sites near the island- resorts recommend snorkelling beside a giant rock/hill where the sea is calmer and you can actually spot a lot of fishes there. no corals though.
for those who can swim better, the bay near redang reef resort has corals and apparently baby sharks and turtles. but the sea is a lot rougher here and you'll need a guide (unless you're brave enough la).

other activities: night life is very very apparent at redang bay resort. our resort..... plays loud music but nobody dances. hahahahaha

camwhore- must must must. lol. u can see many people lugging along their dslr cameras and people posing with rocks, sand, sea, coconut trees. hahahhaa. but it's a trade off la- either you swim a lot or you take a lot of pictures.

*end of my infomercial*

redang

2010-07-02T02:10:00.000+01:00

redang was mind blowing.

will definitely write a full post on it.
+ the my 10km experience.

love and heart redang. hahahahhaha

my next few days

2010-06-25T18:10:00.000+01:00

Running 10km on Sunday............

Bib number. GO buy toto number now. I take only 50% commission.

My gear :D

Honestly, Standard Chartered has got to be one of the most kiam siap race organizers ever. Sure... their grand prize is 17,500 USD... but have pity on us mere mortals. At least throw in ~~more~~ SOME samples (yeah... not a single sample was included. well they did let us take some MEN'S cleanser when we collected our packs) (even a packet of deep heat rub would be nice)........... instead of spending it on stupid advertisements. You can see banners everywhere and the radio plays their advert every 3 hours. What a let down honestly. SJ10K whoops Standard Chartered's ass in terms of sponsorship.
No matter... makes me more gear up to complete my 10km in 1 hr 30 mins. Not an easy feat at all...... haven't been training and the last time i ran more than 5 km was 2 years ago. ahahhahahahaa.

Soon after all the aches and groans.... PARADISE:

Pulau Redang- serenity and fantastic underwater creatures.
I've been waiting to go to an east coast island for ages. Finally it's here!!!
I just hope I'm not too tired after the damn race. Welll.... I do have the whole Monday to rest.

unbelivable

2010-06-20T16:02:00.000+01:00

my 2.5 years are over.

simply unbelievable.

2 weeks ago, i was sprawling crap on my blog about how horrific studying for my exams was. now.... it's over!
i'm no longer an imu student!

i feel a tinge of nostalgia and relief when i think about it. nostalgia will be long lasting... relief will be a fleeting emotion as clinical school isn't easy at all.

i can officially start hoarding stuff for uk now. gosh. i can't even feel excited as it seems so unreal.
i think it'll all become more real once i buy my ticket to uk and start packing.
bleh.... packing. don't like it when i have to stuff so many things into 1 suitcase.

in the meantime........... celebrate!!

gosh

2010-06-13T05:06:00.000+01:00

i think it just struck me that i'm leaving imu.

no more pbls
no more csu sessions
no more indian auntie (ok.. this i don't miss so much)
no more LT1,2,3
no more mms
no more stupid printers to be frustrated about
no more climbing up and down the damn hill
no more worrying about whether i'll get a saman today
no more idling away while stuck in the morning LDP traffic
no more lim siew siew, mr felix, the old indian uncle who gives us lots of tips, the emo patient (gosh... forgot her name. lisa? brain block), the chinese man with masked facies.....

gosh.
and i'll take histories and do physicals on orang kakasia now. lol
lol. i haven't even held a conversation with an ang moh before. jakun punya orang... and now i've to take history and perform PE on them? @_@

leeeeeeeeeeds?

2010-06-11T12:58:00.000+01:00

hahhahahaa. it's over.
not too sure if i'm too drunk from happiness and the relief of stress until it's sort of numb.
i just know that i don't have to read my notes anymore (till results are out la. don't want to jinx myself)

as for PMS, got LEEDS!?????????//
bleh. might change, might not.

ah well.

status

2010-06-06T08:50:00.000+01:00

lalalalallaa.

now i know why twitter's so popular. useful for posting useless short entries like this. hahahahhaha
anyway, i just feel the need to post up the stuff i have yet to study. (i love making lists. i bet it's some personality disorder. on a side note, i think i've finally figured out my personality type. cause those personality tests are always so confusing- questions like "do you like surprises?" is so super vague. yes i love birthday surprises. i hate surprises like a cicak jumping on my head. my personality is mostly likely the less emotional, more logical thinking type. dunno why it took me so long to figure it out cause i'm sure it's as clear as day to some of my friends.) anyway, back to this:

coma lectures
pharmacology for the central nervous system- sedatives, gen anesthesia, antipsychotics
special senses and their related anatomy- eyes+ear
intracranial infections
neurodegenerative diseases
whole pile of git which i don't plan on touching. no friggin time.
PBLs
past year questions

my exam? Tomorrow!

hahahahhaahhahahahaha

just a brief overview of how my exam is like:

first day- it's the fun game called MEQ!!! or multiple extended qws. i think.

anyway, they give us a bunch of questions printed on individual coloured papers. then it's all arranged and placed in an envelope. then we are only allowed to pull out 1 paper at a time and have to complete the questions on that paper in the given time (usually 7 minutes). when the time ends, we're not allowed to go back to the previous paper and we have to move on to the next paper. this time we have a total of 8 MEQs- meaning 8 medical cases, broken down into 3 sheets of papers. so the first paper is usually the patient's history and related questions (diagnosis? investigations? a random qw) then the 2nd paper is the blood report or some x-ray or something and the 3rd paper is usually the outcome of the patient or some complication. lol. it's like playing dr.house on steroids.

then on the same day we have our regular oba- one best answer or mcq qws.

2nd day- we play another fun game! this time it's called OSPE- objective structured something exam. lol

we have 24 stations. this time it's like playing a really weird gameshow. in the exam hall, we have 24 cubicles. at the start of the exam, we;re given the qw sheet (it's like a thick booklet of 24 pages). then we sit at our respective cubicles. at the cubicles, they will have a picture of some diseased limb/microscopic picture/ an anatomy model/ some weird drawing made on Words/MS Paint (i swear, sometimes i stare at the diagram with no clue what it is at all cause there would be some bunch of squares, some triangles and arrows pointing here and there). anyway, we then have to answer the questions in the booklet within 5 minutes. at the end of 5 minutes, a really annoying buzzer will go off and we have to move to the next cubicle. so it's like a giant musical chair game.

this is a really annoying test cause there's only 5 minutes to think of everything under the sun. and sometimes when we have to do calculations, if the calculator is broken, too bad for you. cause they are not going to stop the buzzer fr ringing and by the time the lecturer comes and fix the broken calculator, time is up.

3+4th day- CLINICAL SKILLS. lol. here is where we become pseudo doctors. We have 4 clinical examinations, 2 histories and 2 self standing stations per day. It's something like ospe except instead of cubicles, we have rooms. So we will stand outside the room at the start of the exam where the qw is pasted on the door. then when the exam starts, we're given 40 secs to read the qw and to plan what to do. Then when we enter the room (with an examiner inside), we're given only 5 minutes to finish the station. and there's really a lot to do in 5 minutes sometimes. we have to greet the patients, introduce, explain the examination then wash hands, etc. this will take up at least 1 minute. so we have 4 minutes to inspect, palpate (molest patient with our hands), percuss (do the tapping thing) and auscultate (use our stethoscope!!! most exciting part since all real doctors uses stethoscopes (jk). plus this is the part where we can just cincai give an answer cause the examiner can't listen to what we're hearing. lol). and finally thank the patient and wash hands again. phew!

for history stations, it's pretty simple. we just have to ask a series of questions then in the next station we have to answer questions about the patient's problem. well... actually it sounds simpler than it is. most of the time we forget to ask really important qws due to lack of time (5 minutes again!) or just because we're nervous. every disease is somewhat special and have their own important questions. so yea... easy to forget to ask some qws. then we will have behavioral stations too where there is an examiner with you in the room. then we have to fake empathy. lol. have to ask qws like 'are you ok?" "do you want to rest?" "do you need anything to make yourself feel comfortable?" cause honestly.. it's hard to produce real empathy in an exam with a person faking to be sick.

for self standing stations.... basically it's exactly like ospe. see picture, answer qws.

and that concludes my post. lol. it was supposed to be a short, twitter-ish post. sigh. spent 30 minutes just on this. back to studying!

ughhh

2010-06-04T07:16:00.000+01:00

few more days la.
and like i guessed even before the start of the study break, i'll have to cram cram cram a lot of stuff.
and true enough, this study break has been a weird mix between the longest/shortest + most stressful period of my entire 2.5 yrs in IMU.
somedays i feel like i can't wait to get everything done and over with
somedays i feel like i want more time to study. just a day or even just a few hours extra
somedays i feel like i can do it, only a little more to go if i organize my time well
somedays i feel like i'm doomed, with a never ending pile of notes to read through

my brain is like some battle field now. a fight between negative and positive thoughts, a fight between the kiasu side of me and the procrastinator side.

sighhhhh

:(

2010-05-31T19:04:00.000+01:00

i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die

well. figuratively speaking, my brain wants to just jump off the cliff (again... an imaginary cliff) cause today, tomorrow and the next 8 days, i'll force it to keep awake and stuff information down it's......... neurons (no throat for me to shove anything down).

how i wish i could jump through time to the 6th of june (exam over, pms results received). then on the 17th of june (d-day aka results day) i'll wish i can jump back time. lol

humans... we're never pleased with anything.

beh tahan

2010-05-30T04:29:00.002+01:00

freaking stressed. i need retail therapy. AHAHAHAHA

i know... this isn't the goodbye imu post. how i wish it was too.

just the other day i found a ladybug on my hand (dunno how it ended up there). Didn't really know what to do with it so I ~~killed it~~ went all the way to the back door, open the door and let it free there. Then it struck me how tiny this bug is in this mega-sized world. And here we are, big buffaloes complaining and moaning about how horrible life is because of a bunch of papers.
+ I suddenly got the concept of exams being well... an exam. An exam to test your discipline, your self endurance, your capabilities of handling stress, your time management skills, etc. The pre-exam period is, i guess, part and parcel of the bigger picture. Actually I'm sure everyone knows this. It's just that we lose focus of this as we go along. We're so intensely focused on the day itself, the results-pass/fail?, how will i fare in comparison to the class average, our teachers/parents expectations.

really random ramblings. I think of weird stuff when i'm daydreaming.

_________________________________________________________________________
I can't help it but..................... POST-EXAM PLANSSSSSSS

Prince of Persia 8D
Ash's udang kering sambal. ahahahhahahaha
Sandip's Indian food galore?
I've been waiting patiently for this................ PULAU REDANGGGGGG (gosh, been trying to get to this place for 2 years edi (made plans, then cancelled, then plan then cancelled. lol) . finally get to go)
Make a bag for my camera (diy supreme!!!! it's going to be padded+waterproof. should be fun- i can foresee a lot of hairpulling and frustration since this involves careful measuring to ensure a good fit)
Make another skirt? or bag? depending on how much material i have left
Finish up my diy stuff i left from last year (a lot. i realize i get really lazy during the end of the year holidays. i usually sew/make stuff during the mid-year holidays)
KAMPARRRRRRR. erm.... fishballs?
Chilling waterfalls/island getaway? not concluded yet :(
Shopping. lol. definitely.
Karoake. depending on how much funds i have left after all of the above. hahahahahaha
Crazy photoshoot with my new baby!!! shall be fun- dressing up, makeup, hair products and weird poses. :D
oh.. and not forgetting, i get to resume all my series: Grey's Anatomy, House, Glee, Flashforward, Project Runway, Mercy, Heroes? bleh..., and a lot i can't even remember. hahahhaa

can't wait. tho all of these have to be cancelled if i fail my exams. *touchwood!!!*

last days

2010-05-18T17:49:00.000+01:00

finally the last lecture has ended.
i'm no longer attending lectures in IMU anymore.

take that stupid 8am classes. muahahhahaa. no more waking up at 6.40am just to rush to uni for 2 hrs of lecture.

tomorrow's my mock clinical exams and the day after is my 3 hrs of torture: an exam covering the nervous system (how i hate this system) and musculoskeletal system (equally as horrible).

then it's 2 weeks of pseudo-holiday. not even a holiday. it'll be like a weird mix between the longest/shortest and most torturous period of my 2.5 years in IMU. i say this is the period where i'll be most susceptible to becoming a schizophrenic.

oh and i'm sick. lol. once again. and i've to study like crazy. not good at all.

but it's actually quite nice being sick if you don't have exams. you sleep the whole day, eat when you're awake and then sleep again. sucks totally when you have to study. and not just study a few notes. study 100 notes. lol

i'm typing this in a state of delirium as one side of my eyes are now closed and i'm dropping off to sleep thanks to the stupid virus/bacteria. so don't mind me if this entry doesn't really make any sense. *woo hoo! i can type with both eyes closed!!)

anyway, wish me all the best. i shouldn't be coming online that often from now onwards. i hope i recover asap and hope you guys will pray that i pass these blardy exams.

my next entry will be : GOODBYE IMU!!! hahahahhahahahahha. can't wait.

ps: pms results will be out next monday? ugh

ahhh... the end is near

2010-05-14T19:09:00.001+01:00

the end is near, i can smell it in the air.
i can feel it in my bones and every cell in my body knows the end is near.

i can hear them screaming,

"SLEEP YOU STUPID GIRL"

but I have an obligation to my notes.
so sleep just have to come later.
happens every single time an exam comes around. i wonder why i never learn.
and they say humans are fast learners. I guess there are exceptions to that.

on a side note, 2 more days of official lecture days in IMU. that means 2 more days of school in bukit jalil. well, not counting the day of my summative exams, the days where i have to come for clinical skills practise and the day of my finals (oh yeah, and results collection day); I'm nearly done with phase 1.

it's bittersweet.

and another random thing, there's always more than meets the eye in a person. i think, i've gained a great amount of respect for you today as you are a very strong person. and much stronger than i am. i hope everything will turn out well.

i know what to do if i get aus

2010-05-08T03:21:00.000+01:00

if i get an aussie/nz university, i know what i'm going to do during the 6 months:

travel, travel travel!

but i need money to travel
so probably working in the first 3 months. then travel during the year end holidays when everyone is back :D

go kota kinabalu! blow rm1500 there. (worth 50 days of work in the clinic @_@. or 15 days of work as a promoter) lol
this is the plan i came up with in 30 minutes:

airfare: rm300?
staying there: tune hotels!! i know they have crazy rm1/night deals. but it's a little far from the city centre. lucky they have free daily shuttle between the hotel and the city (rm50? depending on the nights we stay)
food: makan anywhere la. (rm30/day)
must see: ~~poring hot springs :D transport is rm40-ish?~~ tourist trap. lol. go see some monkeys in the park la. (rm50?)

climb mount KK!!! ok. this is the money-sucker part. the WHOLE mountain has been monopolized by this company. I dunno, perhaps they bought the mountain from the government or something. Anyway, you can't climb the mountain without booking a room from them. yes... climbing mount kk takes 2 days. Last time they allowed people to build camps there and there were other lodge operators. But now they managed to monopolized the whole thing. And since they are the only hotel operators there, price of a room is sky high. rm500/night for a dorm bed+meals. lol. that money i can use to go to perhentian/redang for 3d/2n. and the twisted part is people like me who support these blood suckers. Rooms get sold out really fast so you must make a booking 3 months before your planned arrival date. must climb ma... it's an experience. so... [rm500+ rm30 (permit) + rm72 (misc fees+hire of guide)]

SIPADAN! ok. i just found out it is possible to go to sipadan without forking out rm1000+.sipadan is one of the rare islands where live coral can be nearby the island (i saw a pic where the camera was half submerged in the water. you can see the resort and at the bottom of the photo you can see live corals). even redang/perhentian has lots of dead coral near the island. but it's a 7hr bus ride from kk to semporna (the closest city to sipadan) costing rm100 for return trip. i calculated it'll cost about rm510 for accomodation+food+snorkelling.

ok. so it'll definitely cost rm1500 for the whole trip. but considered ok la.
imagine: this trip u get to climb the highest mountain in SE asia, snorkel in one of the best diving spots in the world. and you're flying from KL. not like taking a sampan and rowing across the south china sea. plus we'll still be sight-seeing around kk itself.

this plan is probably not feasible....... yet. lol. don't know if anybody is actually crazy enough to climb mountain then go snorkelling. probably will drown due to exhaustion.

ok la. have to go back to studying the skull :(

i know... i feel like dying each time i see an anatomy picture now

hah

2010-05-06T10:55:00.000+01:00

short news:

light writing is cool. CSU (clinical skills) sessions have become "fun with sook cheng's camera" session
I have to present something to the class tomorrow. omg. haven't done presentation since SAM. @_@
7 more official lecture days left
have the WHOLE of CNS to go through and we are left with 14 more days to summatives
the great and fabulous IMU decided to torture us: i have my last lecture on tues, mock clinical exam on wed then my summative test on thurs. WHEEE!
have half of hematology, the whole GIT & sem 4 (endaocrine, reproductive and renal system) to go through and EOS is in 1 more month. omg. means i have to spend every waking hour studying during my study break. probably try to finish sem 3 during the first 3 days, then 14 days on sem 4. @_@ sure gg.
PMS results most likely to be released end of next week or beginning of the week after next. (so far the trend has been before the summatives. sooo.... hopefully it'll be so). damn tension.

i'm hoping that i'll be able to concentrate on my studies after getting the matching results. or either i'll be super sad and lose all hope in humanity.

it's nearly 2am

2010-05-03T18:50:00.000+01:00

i have class at 8am. waking up at 6.40am

oh... how i hate morning classes.

besides that, i suddenly feel that i really need to clear my mind and forget about everything else. focus sook cheng!!! FOCUS

too many things are distracting me. too many things are bothering me. too many uncertainties.
i realize now that i rely on things to go on schedule. I like things planned. And it bothers me that the rest of my future is unplanned for. Nothing CAN BE planned even if I wanted to. ugh. And it's eating away inside of me.
dumb imu. hate hate hate.

Bitter Sweet and sour

"I'M A DOCTOR"

bitch, please

nye

BOOMZ

doctors and children

Autism

Lowest point

stupid

procrastinating hence the post

Last week of O&G!

bittersweet

stress

back here and all updates are gone

third year

nuts nuts

alamak

Feelings

Medical mambo jumbo

help

budget calculating

stupid scholars

Thanx JPA....I'll take time to savour this moment!!! Erm, money smell so good!!!

vanity

photochopping

Random shots

break is here

Pivotal period

stupid

101 Things you didn't know about britain (specific to Yorkshire )

throw in the towel

what a strange person i am

arrogance

Good samaritan

English english

Just another day

fulalallalaa

Grapefruit ppl?

painful and yet humourous

Spring time.

Test

dammit

nostalgia yet again

updates updates

travelogue

gp postings

;(

2011

troubled mixed confused

fatty

shit this

letting go

knock knock

i freaking hate this

i'm suzy. suzy chin *sips martini*

my heart is bleedingggg

wtf

thank you

emo

updateeeee

music to my ears

nostalgic

brain dead

homesick

Malacca

i misss

spam myself.

shall update

confused

worst luck this year

very the lazy

update pls

hey. it's august!

fallalalala and we're left with 1 more month

i should update

my first 10km. :D

redang part 2

Redang. the real post. lol. part 1

Redang................information. lol

redang

i'm suzy. suzy chin sips martini