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Blues
2:49 p.m.
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Reading about lung cancer, i remembered a patient i spoke to in 3rd year. I think he was the 2nd patient i spoke to in the UK. He was a kind old man, patiently answering my clumsy questions and my awkward examination skills (and my cold hands). We spent a long time talking, with me struggling with my history taking and being in 3rd year where we were allowed to spend ages with a patient, he talked to me about his children and his time in Malaya. Then, i was less concerned about the diagnosis and probably taken more complete histories and more thorough examinations. That's how i found out he was a palliative patient and was planning to go on a cruise to spend his last few 'good' days.

Now it's all about getting the right diagnosis and i no longer remember to stop and get to know the patient :(

I should try changing that. They say they want caring doctors and yet our exams are designed to ensure we spend minimum time with the patients (history/examination stations are 6-8 minutes!) . It's designed so that we spend the least amount of time to get the most accurate diagnosis, so that we become fast and efficient workers, getting to see huge amounts of patients in a day. And people complain that doctors dont hear them, that we've become cold and uncaring. Well, our education does just that. Instead of asking us to actually just care, we now have classes where we are shown ways to feign care (eye contact eventhough we're not actually listening, repeating the patient's words eventhough all we caught was the key phrases (eg you may say a million things but the doctors only hear the buzz words like cough and pain. We dont care about your mother visiting you later that day or about your missing cat)

The patient i was talking about had mesothelioma and he is probably gone now.

RIP

I'll try to remember to stop the hustle and bustle going on in my head and just listen to the patient next time




birthday gifts
7:02 p.m.
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i'm bored of studying.

i was thinking what sort of things I would like for my birthday. i keep having a headache over what to buy for people's birthday. yes, it would be nice to know that your friend has gotten you something you want eventhough it wasn't explicitly mentioned. it shows that your friend has known you long enough to know what kind of person you are, what you like/dislike and your innermost feelings. blah blah blah... this is why men think women are so confusing. we expect others to be so sensitive to our needs and wants, it's almost telepathy.

i think psychics must be great gift givers.... i wanna be friends with a psychic now.

well... most of the time, i'm not sure if it's just me, but i think my birthday gifts tend to miss the mark.
to be fair, i think most birthday gifts miss the mark. yes, they are nice and great but not something they really want. i think only gifts that cost $10,000 upwards are universally accepted great gifts (a car, house, really expensive bag, real jewellery)

hence, the practical approach: a practical written birthday wishlist. everyone should have this.

this is mine:
1. coffee press. gahhh... the things i could do with this.
2. kitchen scale. man.... no more converting nonsense. why can't the world be more standardized
3. travel mug/thermos. the times when i have to leave my coffee sitting pretty on my table when i'm rushing
4. baking stuff. c'mon...all i have is a standard cake tin and muffin tray. any other trays/tins/utensils are welcomed!
5. scarfs. love them. but just too cheap to buy them. paying money for a long piece of cloth... no way
6. watch. in need of one. too cheap to buy one to replace my missing casio ;(
7. socks. lol. especially longer socks for boots. my primarks keep rolling down into my boots ;(
8. nail polish. likewise, too cheap to buy more. i hv to wait at the clearance section each time
9. headphones. only have my apple headphones. someone kind enough to get me a good pair?
10. slightly difficult but this is one that I would hv to buy myself once I find one that's 10ish quid: a nice casual jacket. my spring/autumn jacket is just sad. patched it up a few times and there's still mysterious tears appearing.

back to studying....



2 more to go
12:26 a.m.
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few more weeks till finals. which is terrifying. I ought to be studying a bit more now, considering i've only just done CVS.

respi in 2 days perhaps?

this placement in orthopaedics is really chilled. I ought to be more proactive and try to go into the wards more often but I'm just really not bothered.

Can't believe it's just a few more weeks to the end of med school. all this madness is coming to an end. only to herald in a new sort of madness. well, i'll definitely will still need this outlet to vent. can't imagine actually getting paid to do the things we are already doing. And I guess being responsible for it as well.

Can't site the cannula?
Too bad sucker, you're the only one with "dr" on their badge at the moment.

Patient mewsing at 3?
Hahaha.. i'll be shitting my pants even if the patient was complaining of a headache during an on-call

...crap

volunteered as a simulated patient for the 3rd years today as well. Gosh... reminds me of the times where I can't even get the order of my history taking right. I had to spell out socrates whilst now it (usually) comes naturally. I remember being amazed when the FY1 told me that socrates will just come naturally in your line of questioning. I understand now. Medicine is just practice practice practice.
it sort of reassures me I did improve somewhat. I still am quite adamant that I was smarter back in 3rd year. I probably would pass the 5th year written exams as my 3rd year self, or even better, my pre-sem 5 self.

brain.... please retain this information I'm feeding you now. I need it for real now.... not for some dumbass white paper