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Dread
1:28 a.m.
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The feeling of dread is back. Like time is not enough. Maybe it's because tomorrow's the last day if 2012. Maybe its because my holidays are ending and I know it's back to the daily grind of placements with the added pressure of needing to study, practice osces, doing qws. Maybe its because my SJTs are looming and I'm failing miserably with the practice qws (hey, maybe I'm quite an unethical doctor to be!) or maybe because I'm jetting off to Spain alone. The idea of multiple train transfers, airport security, packing and unpacking and bam! straight into SJTs the very next day when I'm back in gloomy UK (omg... The amount of rain here is obscene. How can it constantly rain for the entire day, 5 days in a row? It's amazing how the UK is not flooded by now. Sun is still non-existant. It tricked me this morning when I woke up to a beam of sunshine on my face. By the time I went to brush my teeth, it turned grey.....).

Stress with a sprinkle of seasonal affective disorder.

I wish time can come to a standstill... I havent had my fill of munching snacks, watching movies, playing wii and letting my brain rot.
The first few days of placement will be painful. What's more... doing an a&e placement where they expect you to be at least minimally competent :/
Time flows and life goes on. One thing at a time i guess, and soon I'll find my happy spot (blargh.. Even after med school we have the endless shifts and post grad exams to study for and admin to battle with the everlasting hate relationship with the bleep)
Now, i just need to find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Venting done.

On the brighter side of things... Xmas dinner was a success. Sort of (chicken wasnt done well enough thx to a faulty oven) Our buche de noel cake was amazing however (yes, self praise is no praise but the other 4 concur and the cake was gone the next day when there was enough food to serve double the people we invited (means we all stuffed ourselves like pigs!))
No resolution for new year. Never kept them and the novelty of making lists no longer seems appealing when you have so many things to do (man... Was i a bored kid last time. I loved making lists and filling out online forms. Made me feel more like an adult  i guess. But when you actually have to do it now...)
And.. Meeting xx in barcelona! Hope he read the guides cause i didnt... Which is bad cause i ge frustrated when the person with the most free time does not do any planning. Well... I read a bit at least?

Anyway,
Cheers to things that has happened:
1. Passing 4th yr
2. Had an amazing elective in swak
3. Caught up with a lot of people over summer
4. Having a great group for 5th yr placements
5. Not screwing up my FPAS application

Cheers to things that hopefully will happen:
1. Sitting and getting a good mark for SJTs to help me get the job I want
2. Passing 5th year
3. Graduating. Like finally
4. Having a great summer before the bang-you're-a-working-adult phase
5. Working. Officially.
6. Having great colleagues (pretty please?)

Happy new yr!