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3:21 a.m.
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I need to get smarter.

My groupmates are wayyyy too smart and I appear extremely stupid now when they keep answering all the questions.

I need to get more guts as well to be more vocal. Sometimes I feel like strangling them and asking them to shut up when they keep answering first. It's now like a bloody competition as to who can make the first (and loudest) noise to get the tutor's attention just so to let them know you're going to answer the question.
any noise is acceptable, ranging from "let's see" to "well...." to "ahh" to "ERMMMM" to "HMMMMMM

is it annoying? yes.
doesn't help when one of your groupmates is extremely smart and can quote studies. I repeat... QUOTE STUDIES AND NUMBERS. he knows more than the doctors in some occasions.
and he gets all the attention. I was so damn annoyed with this tutor that was meant to teach us and mid-way, the tables got turned round and my groupmate was teaching the tutor on random studies while the rest of us just stared. wow... great tutoring skills. I mean, there's nothing wrong with learning from a student but what annoyed me was that she could just completely forget there were other students she was meant to teach and just focused on that groupmate alone.

and yeah... it annoys me that he gets all the attention. every question suddenly feels like its directed to him alone and it feels like i'm sitting in on a private discussion between him and the doctor. another groupmate has mastered the making a noise competition so she get's some attention too. so that just leaves me and one more groupmate looking like complete dungus with some sort of language barrier. thanks so much guys.

crap it. i just need to get my degree.

the most annoying part... he is nice. just too damn smart.

a bit dead now
12:16 a.m.
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can't remember the last time i posted on my blog. not sure if this is a good or bad sign. maybe it's a good sign- shows i'm maturing and no longer do i need an outlet to vent.
or either, stressful times have not arrived.

so back in the UK for almost 2 months now. I know this cause it's the end of my 2nd placement. every placement is now 4 weeks with no breaks in between.
getting a bit more clinically confident now. pretty damn proud when the GP told me that my clinical judgement is safe and usually spot-on. In the wards as well (doing acute surgery now), getting a bit better with venepunctures and venflon insertions and I'm not such a bozo when it comes to integrating respi, cardio and git examinations (for patients who are on acute assessment or surgical wards... they need everything checked)
But obviously, nothing is all well and dandy. Knowledge wise... i need to severely brush up my general medicine and surgery facts. Pretty damn embarrassing when you can't explain the definition of carcinoma in-situ to your consultant. I think on the other side of the world, my previous IMU lecturers all got a minor heart ache. Damn sri kumar/dr. thani lectures... stick in my brain will you?
Heart breakingly, my knowledge in 4th year is dwindling away as well. Can hardly remember the function of progesterone now. hahahahhaa.

damn :,,,,(

also handed in my job application for FY1&2 (house officer jobs). Will be staying put in Yorkshire, probably around Leeds if all goes well. I just need to pass my finals now.

winter is here also. freezing! average temperature has been below 6C. It's crazy. And definitely not enjoying the stupid darkness. Feel like I've transformed into a true snake now... when the temperature gets cold I just become really lazy and sleep or lie in bed. Heck... I hardly cook now since I'm so lazy. Been eating instant crap for the past 2 days or stealing food from my housemate. hahaha. I need to cook for them now.

On a more sour note, one of my housemates will be leaving this weekend. She has been, honestly, one of my closest friends here. Stuck together in a foreign country and being my housemate for the past 1 year +, she probably will know me better than most of my other friends now. It's really sad to see her leave and sometimes, I feel like I could have helped her, but.... nothing really can be done now. I really hope she does come back next year. With her leaving, I also hope that nothing changes amongst "our gang" now. She has always been the "lynch pin"- the person everyone calls to ask if anyone else has any plans, the person people go to when they want to hang out. With everything that has befallen her, I hope this does have a silver lining for her. May she meet the man of her dreams back in Malaysia (haha!), have an epiphany about finding her true happiness in life or maybe, just making her a better person than she already is with a brighter future ahead.