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8:51 p.m.
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have to go to the dentist tomorrow.

i have dental caries. ah... the embarrassment. i'm not sure which is more distressing, the fact that
1) i have dental caries at freaking 22 years old
2) i'm a med student who can't even take care of her own dental hygiene
3) my tooth has died and has been sent to tooth heaven (much to my surprise (and annoyance, doesn't help that i have an obsession when something is not "right") lo and behold... a darn hole. how that slipped past me is beyond me. i think the nerves must hv died a long time ago)

it's like... getting diagnosed with copd. or obesity. or head lice/scabies/ parasitic infections that come from unhygienic practices. i wonder if dentist/dental students ever have caries?

i guess i had it coming. i can't even think of when was the last time i visited a dentist.

and i've never had problems with caries. this will be my first filling of my life T.T

then again, my years from 9-15 yrs old i visited the dentist regularly for orthodontic treatment. subsequently after that i was followed up for 2? years. then i think i didn't bother going anymore.

darn. now i can't stop thinking about it. can't wait to go to the dentist and just get it all sorted out.
i hope it works that way in the nhs? crap it if i have to make more appointments just to get a filling, then get the sealants, then to get it scaled.

bahhhhh. :(

i feel like i've let down my dental friends

11:50 p.m.
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heh. this line still seem so weird and foreign.
anyway, no, I did not suddenly graduate and no, I'm not delusional and have started getting ahead of myself. I do fully understand I have 1.5 yrs of hardwork and shit can happen anytime from now till July 2013.

What I was wondering about, was the implications of becoming a doctor. I never really thought about it before joining medical school. But now, 1 scenarios always haunts me when my brain is idle:
The classic scenario where a person collapses in the street, crowd gathers, a person declares his possession of a degree from a medical school, parts the crowd and swoops in to save the day.

Honestly, that is like the dream of any medical student (not too sure about drs) whether they admit it or not- to become some hero who saved a person's life by performing CPR or abdominal trust or even better, some MacGuyver stunt, transforming everyday items into medical tools to save a life.

The reality is, for myself, I don't think I'll ever be ready for that scenario. My 4 years of memorizing anatomy, pathology, clinical examinations and the skill of dodging fierce drs and selectively determining which lectures are useless do not adequately prepare me in facing that scenario. I dread the day where I'll be torn between hiding in my chair or going up the aisle to assist when an airstewardess announces, "is there a dr on board?"
Maybe with clinical experience, going to an emergency setting in a controlled environment (aka the hospital) would give me that much needed confidence and knowledge to handle such a situation.

But by then, as a Dr, I'm also subjected to certain laws.
Apparently, as a professional healthcare provider, we are obligated by law to do the right thing when we swoop in to health a stranger. Once we admit that we are a dr, we cannot screw it up. If the person dies because of your negligence, bye bye to your medical career. And if you choose not to help, and then was proven to be a doctor and proven to be at the scene, again, bye bye to medical career (For other people, they are protected by the Good Samaritan law.)  I personally know people who would hide their hospital ID  once they walk out from the hospital. It sounds horrible, they do not want to help when it's their profession to help people, but I would say it's not their fault as well when the risks are so huge.
I think doctors are the only people with such heavy obligations.

Imagine if other careers had this obligation as well?
Teachers would be forced to give impromptu lessons to clearly ignorant children they encounter at the bus stop
interior designers have to stop in their tracks to rearrange furniture in an alarmingly distasteful office space.


bitch, please
4:51 a.m.
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ok, i know i'm acting a bit childish and immature by writing this post. But blogging is my outlet; my place to vent frustration and anger (and previous posts do proof that, since i lack of happy post about my trip to turkey, amsterdam etc; you can find all that on fb)

i honestly cannot stand HER anymore. HER= MICHELLE NGU aka michellin. (yea, i don't mind she finds this post somehow. I hope she finds it in fact)
A bit of background story:

Last year, I stayed with Michellin and 3 other girls that I didn't know. I had a very bumpy 1st year in leeds and I was very unhappy staying there cause I was quite lonely. Initially, I thought that at least I had Michellin, who is from IMU as well, to stay with so it won't be so lonely. Man.. was I wrong. I might as well stay alone then to stay with her. All we do is, eat dinner together, then go back to our rooms after that. I'd imagine that I would be watching movies with her, bitching about our course together, just hanging out in each others room, normal housemate stuff.... lol. as if that will ever happen.
But I blamed myself for that whole situation of being lonely. What makes matter worse was her whole attitude.
We initially share food together and cooked together (even on the first day, she said she only wanted to share food for dinner. wth. so the first time we went grocery shopping, I had to figure out what was for dinner, what wasn't. and I split it up fairly between me and her, things I bought for dinner to be shared. stupid idiot just took things i bought and assumed it was shared as well. things like mayo, sauces, etc that I bought for bfast, lunch. and first time coming to the uk, i was really stinging on money since I converted everything to ringgit. I just had to close an eye and kept quiet cause it was at the very beginning and I thought things would hv been bad if I said anything)

Then she got her placement outside Leeds. 1 week into her placement, she comes back and said she doesn't want to share anymore since she's out of Leeds, 5 days of the week. Fine, I understood that (but mind you, when she wasn't there, I knew that it would be unfair for her if I took things that we shared. I bought my own groceries and cooked using those instead of using the shared items) But we still bought things like rice and cooking sauces together so we continued sharing those. One thing with her is that she also keeps having a bf over towards the start of 2011 (that's a whole different story about how she managed to change bfs within 3 months of arriving in UK. and basically lied about small things because she didn't want us to find out she changed bfs. but that's her personal stuff, i don't care if she changes bfs a hundred times) Ok, so she'll cook for her bf and everything. stupid idiot uses up all the rice because I hardly cooked rice and don't have the courtesy to even inform me that "hey, the rice is finished so buy your own rice". I cooked up such a feast of dishes only to find out I didn't have a single grain of rice left.

Next issue, her bloody notes. She pasted up a notice in the kitchen a few months after staying in Leeds basically telling people to wash up their plates and dishes after they use it and do not place it in the sink if they do not plan to wash it immediately. I admit that there was 1 local girl who regularly leaves her dishes for days and wash it all at one go when it has accumulated enough. The problem was, Michellin herself don't do the dishes. She doesn't leave it for days, but she leaves it overnight IN THE SINK most of the time. I don't care if its her own dishes... but we share a pot and a pan. and she just leaves that for me to wash up when I want to use it after her. Still, I tolerated this nonsense since it was basically washing up a pan and a pot (but it was bloody hard cause she would leave everything to harden in the pot/pan)

Next thing, cleanliness. I honestly don't think she's ever thrown out the rubbish. Ok fine, maybe 3 times? but definitely not more than me cause at 1 point, I was throwing out rubbish every 2 weeks. She cleaned the kitchen when she first moved in but after that, no more. I know the other hsemates (2 local girls+ 1 taiwanese girl) does clean the kitchen/throw the rubbish, but when it was time for inspection, the 2 local girls cleaned a few weeks before and michellin dare complained about how they ask her to help out cleaning. A few days before the inspection, obviously it became slightly dirty again. I cleaned it up cause I felt bad for not helping them clean up before this. When we were moving out, the local girls moved out first so she just cleared up her items. I did all the cleaning up by myself and the Taiwanese girl even came to say that she'll clean up the stove and oven before she leaves. Michellin didn't even ask who cleaned the kitchen/living area. Her bloody bf can tell me that "it's so nice to cook in a clean kitchen" the next morning.

And the detergent story. AHAHAHAHA. we all just mutually understood that we were sharing dishwashing detergent. And we rotated to buy washing detergent. When it was Michellin's turn, I reminded her to buy some. She was very sceptical that it was her turn but she did buy it in the end. Then there was a period of time where we didn't have any detergent at all. When I was eating dinner with her, I saw that there was detergent on the sink so I just used that. Next morning, it disappeared. Then in the evening, it appeared again. Then the next morning in appeared. When I went into her room to ask for something, I saw the detergent bottle in her room. She saw me looking at it and she told me that she uses it to wash her makeup brush. yea... rite. You just are so friggin calculative, you have to hide a detergent bottle in your room.

Not the end of the story yet. So, with all the shit I was facing, I sort of closed 1 eye to all of it and we were still "close" to each other (she probably only viewed me as a friend to make use of frankly). Me, geetha and that idiot, was supposed to find a house and stay together. We did view at least 3 houses together and we still couldn't find an appropriate house. 1 month passed and I was at Audrey's (a mutual friend we made in Leeds) place. Audrey then asked me where I was staying at next year. I said "with geetha and michelle".
Then.... she just said the bomb la; she told me "eh, i thought michelle was supposed to stay with danny?" (another medic student who started Leeds from 1st year) I said I'll go clarify. The thing was, I was in the same hospital as Danny so I asked him directly. And he told me, "yea, I'm staying with michelle and 3 other people" WTH. I asked him when did they go view the flats together and he answered me something like last Friday afternoon. I remembered, that particular Friday, we were practising our practical skills together at the hospital. Michelle then said she had to go buy something in town so left early. She in fact, lied to our face, and viewed the flat with Danny on that day. I straightaway came back and asked Michelle directly. She just said "err.. yea.... cause I duwan to headache so much about this anymore so I agreed to stay with them" She can add that we all should stay in that flats as well because "the place is very nice". BLOODY HELL. She ditched us without having the basic courtesy of telling us straight in the face that she'll be staying with the other group of people UNTIL I had to find out from other people, looking like an idiot in the process because she told EVERYONE (or at least 2 other people) whereas I still assumed she was staying with us. She had the nerve to tell me that me and geetha should stay there as well when she knows full well that each unit has 5 bedrooms. So she wants us to magically get 3 people out of the blue.

SO, how on earth did I somehow managed to stay in the same flat with her in the end?

A turn of events caused 2 of Danny's flatmates to pull out. Me, geetha and Audrey were meant to find a place together but Audrey wanted a bigger place and me and geetha wanted a smaller place for less rent. Then Audrey also had a problem because another friend of hers was also looking for a larger place. When she caught whiff that Danny was missing 2 flatmates, she suggested to me and geetha to go stay with Danny while she go rent a place with her other friend. That time was 3 months away from exams so me and geetha, although we were genuinely pissed off, we agreed because it was too close to exams to try and find another hsemate (impossible to find cheap hses with 2 bedrooms only)

So fast forward to this year. Michellin, me, geetha, su wei (4th yr medic) and justin (engineering masters student) live together in the same student accommodation. Justin actually replaced Danny (another medic student) coz something arise and Justin took over Danny's contract. We are all m'sians so it's pretty comfortable in the accommodation at the beginning. We all got to know Justin this year. Su wei we met here and there but we only got to know her closer this year. Me, geetha and michellin settled our differences over time. Geetha got taken in by michellin's sob story about her family so she cut her some slack basically.  I am generally, quite a cincai person and I hate conflict so since Geetha decided to forget about it, I forgot about it. Plus we were all future hsemates so there was no point in bringing up past issues.

So, when I first arrived back in Leeds, her french bf (she calls him cheeky monkey so let's call him that) was already with her (michellin din go back for summer since her mom came over). Cheeky monkey went back to france for 2 weeks and came back after that. I also was a bit shocked as to why he was coming to UK so soon after going back to France. Well, he, for less than impressive academic performace, had a break stretching from Oct to Jan. And Michellin said he was to stay in Leeds till Dec. I was friggin shocked. But I din say anything cause our relationship was alright at that time. The others also din say a word so I felt it wasn't right for me to say anything. He is quite pathetic since he came here to find a job, but till now (yes, he is still here eventhough Dec has came and gone and we're now in 2012) he has not been employed and have
been doing nothing, apart from serving michelle food, do her laundry, clean the room, do her dishes, throughout his "obligatory" holiday.

One thing with our flat is the electricity. We're only given 10 pounds to spend on electricity a week. Appropriately, this should be enough. But somehow we always have to top up 10 pounds at least once a week when winter came around. So we all started topping it up in turns. And then me and geetha has to go off to bradford for 5 weeks hospital posting so we weren't staying in the hse. We didn't know what was going on so we asked our management to give us a copy of who has been topping up the past few weeks. Michellin has paid twice. And both times was 5 pounds only. We went up to her and say "hey, you should top up since all of us topped up 30 pounds already". She said that she actually topped up more than that and gave a lot of nonsense in between (which I am now very lazy to indulge). At the end of the coversation (and after calling another hsemate along to resolve the issue), she concluded that she paid 8 times (most of the time was 10 pounds, only on 3 occasions was it 5 pounds) and she'll see the management to clarify.
Ok fine. (She then deleted me and geetha off fb and proceeded to write a lot of crap about us)

So the next day, we went to the management who said "yea, I did see Cheeky Monkey 4 times, maybe 5 times who came to top up"
"how bout michelle herself"
"nope. she never been down to top up herself"
"so altogether they only top up 4.. maybe 5 times?"
"how much did they top up each time?"
"5 pounds. only once it was 10 pounds"

LOL. their stories don't tally up at all. The shit thing was michellin and cheeky monkey came to see the management then and there as well. They saw me paying for the next top up cause I didn't want electricity to go off and I knew one of our hsemates was hving exams so it wasn't fair if it did went off just because we were arguing. The next thing I know, she's praising the Lord  and the miracle of Jesus all over fb for clearing her name as a liar.

She smartly texted the other hsemate to start afresh and that each of us would pay in 10 pounds and we top up 50 pounds straightaway. SUCH A BRILLIANT IDEA! I wonder where she got it from....? (in actual fact, I suggested the idea months ago but was shot down by Cheeky Monkey because he said "the management is not to be trusted" his idea was to collect 10 pounds from each of us and keep it in Michelle's room. wowwwwww)
anyway, WELL PLAYED MICHELLE. she basically agreed to start afresh to cover up her lies cause now, if we say "you lied through your teeth cause the management doesn't even agree with your story" we'll just be starting a fight over past issues.

so much other shit happen, i can't even type it out cause it'll bore your tired eyes and fry your brains. So thank you for reading this far (if you just scrolled down to the bottom to look for the summary, this is it: michelle is a person who insist that she's right all the time (eventhough she's not), self fish, thick skinned, and lack of any basic courtesy. the only thing good about her is that she doesn't come into my room and doesn't steal food)

On a personal note to Michelle, if you're reading this, please come find me to refute any of the things I listed here. I can't wait to hear your comeback.

If you're wondering why I don't just say it all out to her face-to-face in a mature way, I don't want to pick a fight now when she's agreeing to start afresh (as I said before). As to why I'm still writing this when I don't want to fight with her, I'm basically frustrated as hell that she thinks she's right and we were wrong to even think that she was lying in the first place (hence the "praising God for upholding justice" ).
Right now, I shall have to bear with her for the next 6 months. :(