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doctors and children
5:08 p.m.
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Doctors don't make good parents. Unless they:
1) work part time
2) quit their job
3) have a partner that is willing to stay at home and look after the child

We just had a lecture on child abuse and the lady from social services was just giving us a talk on how to spot neglected or abused children. One of the indicators is the time they bring their child to the A&E dept after they had the injury. Usually, a normal caring mom/dad will be panicking and dialing every emergency number if they spot that their child's arm is hanging a bit weirdly or has swelled up from a broken bone or burns. If the child's injury comes from neglect or abuse however... the parents might wait a while until they realize their kid is becoming quite ill. The lady did say that they allocate extra time for parents who are doctors. She said it's not unusual for doctors to bring their kid to the A&E dept the next day after the injury has happened, or when their respiratory infection has become a full blown pneumonia.

Further proof of that is when I was with an ENT surgeon yesterday. He was just commenting that his parents (doctors) sent his sibling who had measles to school as they probably didn't realize he was quite poorly. Each time he had a cold, he was asked to suck it up and go to school.

Which reminds me of my dad in particular

As far as I can remember... none of my siblings, my mom or I have ever been admitted to the hospital (nor have we ever saw another doctor, apart from when we were each being born I guess) Maybe because none of us has ever suffered a serious illness before (touchwood). When we are quite ill as well, we were just treated at home. I think I started taking my own medicine from standard 6. I didn't even have to tell my mom or dad I was ill because I knew what medication to take. Even when I had a nasty fall and a rock got lodged in the wound, my dad just took the rock out with a tweezer (which reminds me... it wasn't really that sterile) and put some gauze on top (with plenty of iodine). I think I prob would hv gotten 1 or 2 stitches if I was in the A&E.

I remember telling a friend in primary school that my parents were probably sick of me getting ill. Suffice to say, I was always a little jealous when I was kids on TV getting all the attention from the parents when they fall ill. With my parents, they know I can self medicate myself. hahahaha. Which isn't really safe practice I guess. Luckily none of us were dumb enough to eat medication as candies.

But then again, doctor parents can go to the opposite extremes and become total hypochondriacs. Not sure which end is better.
10:52 p.m.
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I think I'm slightly autistic after sitting in a lecture regarding autism.
Then again, there is a theory floating about that EVERYONE is on the autism scale, it depends on how severe it is.
Basically, autism is a triad of inability for autistic people to do:
1) social interaction (unable to understand sarcasm, unable to empathize, unable to understand relationships)
2) social communication (unable to perceive body language, personal space, taking turns in a conversation, etc)
3) inflexibility (must stick to a daily routine, obsession with a particular interest)

I guess I am able to detect sarcasm, body language, facial expressions, etc but there are some social rules I still fail to recognize. It's more vague rules of social interaction like how long do you maintain eye contact for when having a conversation? Such a strange thought but I do find myself thinking about it IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION. hahahahaa.

Then there is also the question of when is someone officially a friend? I know that not everyone can be a close friend (close friends being friends that you can rely on, friends that you first think of when receiving exciting news), but when does an acquaintance becomes a friend? Hmmmmm... 

As a child also I just realize I never really got the concept of "best friends". I couldn't understand why people had BFF. It's like picking a favourite friend out of your circle of friends. I had trouble getting the point of boyfriend/girlfriends as well. Right now, I think people get bfs/gfs as sort of a loneliness cure for now and in the future. But does it mean that people who aren't lonely don't get bfs/gfs and people who are lonely have them? No idea. my theory is probably flawed.

I think of the most ridiculous things actually. Bleh.

I think all my idiosyncrasies don't really show that much because to begin with, I'm not a chatty person. But I must admit that I have great difficulty with social situations. :/

Further proof that I might be slightly autistic: I must watch a series from season 1. I hate to start watching a series from season 2,3,etc.
When I study, I must start from the beginning and I can't jump from one chapter to another without completing the previous ones.
I can eat the same thing again and again without complaining. I worry more about what people might think honestly.


9:08 p.m.
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time passes fast

friends lose touch, people move on, old wounds heal, new ones form.

everything is such a hassle
and yet, everything is so meaningless when it's going to change cause nothing stays the same
life is difficult.
Lowest point
1:33 a.m.
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The sad part about my life is that i've reached a stage where i don't know who i can vent to at 1am in the morning. Med school this yr has driven me apart from most of my non- medic friends n just being in a different time zone is pretty shit- i've not spoken (like speak. Not type) to any of my friends in m'sia for over 2 months.
Uk friends are well.. Just friends. If we werent stuck together in such isolating conditions, we wont even be friends, proven by the fact that none of us were close eventhough we were in the same batch for 2.5 yrs. Lol.... Even ppl i were friends at in imu... We hardly contact each other dont we?

I dont know if i should laugh or cry at the pathetic situation.
10:05 p.m.
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i can never understand the locals.

some of them, we work together from 9-5, 5 days a week, and we get along fine. see them out of uni, they act like they hv no clue who the heck you are.
or either, we say hi, chat for a while, and when it's time to go back, they just walk off without saying anything.

not sure what their culture is, but if its like this, isn't it rude?

or maybe they are polite only to their own kind. sucks doesn't it?
no wonder when it comes to tourism marketing, asian countries marketing posters usually have a notion that asians are warm and friendly people. which i think we are compared to them.
few years back, i used to wonder why are we selling ourselves as friendly when i don't feel "that" friendly. i thought the whole world should be the same. we see someone we know, even if its just an acquaintance, we just smile and say hello. i don't mean go say hi and get to know their whole life story.
here... hmph.

i guess too soon for me to make conclusions.

but i get the same vibe from majority of the people here. sucks to be the minority.
lol... then they complain when they go on electives that they can't get along with the locals there. hey... maybe then you can sympathize with the international students then.

10:08 p.m.
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Confidence; as a teenager? Because I knew what I loved. I loved to read; I loved to listen to music; and I loved cats. Those three things. So, even though I was an only kid, I could be happy because I knew what I loved. Those three things haven't changed from my childhood … That's a confidence. If you don't know what you love, you are lost. ~ Haruki Murakami

plucked out from zia's fb wall.

i didn't think it would be appropriate to spam a 200 word post on fb about this quote.
i really like this quote. confidence is something i struggle with. for everyday i see my flaws and there are days where i just get bogged down by the evil stepmother in my head. and yet, haruki put it in such a simple way: be sure of things you love for if you are sure of that, you know you can fall back on these things and that's how confidence is born.

what do i love then? for sure... my family. and that's about it. on some days, that's enough to get me by. on some days, it's not.   
i'm not sure about every other thing. 
ask me what my favourite color is. i can't tell you for sure. it ranges between blue, purple, red, etc.
ask me what my fav food is: again, it ranges from the familiar to the obscure
ask me what my hobbies are: i have had a few hobbies in my 22 years of life. every one has been a phase, nothing permanent.

it's all a blur to me. i can't tell what i love, i can't tell what i look forward to, i can't tell where i'm going in the future. maybe it all boils down to confidence again. the confidence to tell people i love the colour purple and really have that commitment to love purple. 

vicious cycle.